Size doesn't matter...so dream BIG.

2011-12-03T01:45:00.000-05:00

I recently attempted an entry on the new iPad, and it crashed and burned about halfway through- and sadly- I have not been able to get the motivation to start again. Maybe this weekend. In the meantime- Here are the lates video blogs- on my youtube channel to tide you over, and update a little on what's been up. Stay tuned for more- and be sure to subscribe to make sure you don't miss a video!

A Thanksgiving Vlog

Annual Genetics Meeting

2011-10-04T17:21:00.007-04:00

What would you wish for....

I'm sure everyone remembers that wildly overplayed song by B.O.B and Hailey William's, "Airplanes?" I could really use a wish right now.

I used to get really annoyed with that song and say, "Oh stop sitting around wishing on things that are not stars, get out there and get stuff done and it'll all work out."
But as I write this entry, it's completely stuck in my head, and ya know.... sometimes... maybe it's ok to "really need a wish right now."

...and sometimes. The right people find out....

Earlier this summer, I discovered an incredible organization. It’s called The Sister’s Wish, and the purpose is to grant “Wishes” for young adults from ages 18-30 who have life threatening or terminal illnesses (and live in ME, NH, or MA).

Most people know about the many “wish granting” organizations for “sick” children, that send kids to Disney before they may not have the chance anymore, or things like that. What a lot of people don’t know is that once those children turn 18, the magic, and wish granting tends to come to a screeching halt. Doing all the work that I do, this is why the field of transition is such a hot topic right now. At the (less than) magic age of 18, legality changes, financial situations change, eligibility rules change, and often times, services that seemed consistent, all of a sudden may not even be available. In lots of cases, being legally an adult when you have a special health need is a series of struggles and figuring out where to go next. To put it quite bluntly, you are no longer “the cute sick kid” that everybody brought stuffed animals.

So when that scary point of adulthood hits, it's often a matter of just getting your daily needs met, and it is not common that people come along and ask “what do you WANT? What can make your life easier, or maybe just a little brighter? How can we make you HAPPY?” But, this is exactly what the amazing people at The Sister’s Wish do!

When I first heard about them, I not only thought that was incredible, and got a little weepy over some of the stories posted on their website that explained some of the wishes they had granted, but I forwarded the information to one of my colleagues who works with Next Step, a spin off program of camp (again, for young adults who have outgrown that source of fun and hope…) I said, “this sounds like something that is for our population. Have you heard of it?” Ready to hit the ground running, spreading the word about this incredible idea. Shortly he wrote back and said, “Mal… those are the Turgeon sisters… their brother was Craig. That IS our population.”

After having a mini meltdown of how small the world is, and how many GOOD people I have come across through my life, I realized he was right, and indeed these were the sisters of a young man I went to camp, and college with. I didn’t know him well, but my family had also known their father, and any connection to camp just makes all of our hearts swell. I quickly wrote an email explaining my connection to them, the work I do, and how I just really wanted to support their mission.

Soon, I was chatting with Beth on the phone and she invited me to a fundraiser on the Casco Bay ferry to meet everyone. It was a lovely afternoon, we had delicious pizza in Portland and I got to see what Sister’s Wish was really all about. I also got to meet local rap artist Spose (http://youtu.be/KgxT5a0Vmeo he really is pretty awesome, and once again…we knew a lot of the same people. Oh hey Maine)

After this event, they told me I should apply for a wish? ME? I didn’t imagine I would be eligible for something like that, and moreover, what would I wish for? Think about it! When was the last time someone asked you “what do you wish for?”

It was a striking moment for me when I realized…. “You know. I am so fortunate and it is crazy to say right now, I am in a wonderful place in my life, and can’t think of a darn thing I need to fulfill me right now.” Wow.

Then I realized this wish was not going to be for me. I had done my time, I had had my journey, and although it goes on, it was time for somebody else to be rewarded. My little sister, Maisy.

She was going off to college and drastically needed a new computer. She is one of those people who has always gotten hand me downs. Gadgets, clothes, etc. And not once would she ever complain about what she has. However, over the past few months I had watched her grow into an incredible young woman, leader, self advocate, mentor, who simply dove headfirst into the process of applying to college, following her heart more intensely than I had ever seen. She deserved this.

I explained my idea to Beth, and we decided to make this happen, and even better, make it a surprise! This wouldn’t be easy as we would have to convince Maisy to come home for a special fundraising event to present it to her AFTER she went away to school (in New Hampshire nonetheless. But we did it! I was able to get her to fill out the application with her own words, and get her home without her even knowing!

When the day finally came, we all piled into the car (I had a terrible cold, and Maisy was exhausted from school. She even asked me the night before, “If I get sick too, do I still have to go to this thing?” ….yes. You do.) and arrived at the ice cream store in Sanford Maine. There was a wonderful crowd, great music, ice cream, and amazing French fries (I have a thing for French fries, ok?) When suddenly, the music turned off, and they called Maisy’s name to go up. She thought she was simply dragged along because I was speaking, and had no idea why she was being called up.

I stood with her as Amy and Beth presented her with her new Macbook Pro and explained how we had planned the whole thing. Then they told me, because of what I had done, I got a wish too! Maisy cried, we all hugged and took a bunch of pictures, BECAUSE WE ARE ALL SISTERS!!!! Sisters’ wish for sisters!!!! It was a terrific afternoon, wishes were fulfilled… and now…

I am back to the drawing board! I suppose I can think of something!

What would YOU wish for : )

OR do you know a young adult who would love to have a wish granted? Check out their website, and have them apply! Spread the word about this amazing group :)

http://thesisterswish.org/

LIKE them on Facebook!

2011-09-02T05:31:00.006-04:00

Back to School (after Irene)

(post dated- 8/28)

So there’s this hurricane…

The power’s back, but cable isn’t. Everyone is napping, since we mostly don’t remember how to interact without being able to fall back on internet access. But sleep and I have not been getting along so well lately, and I figure what better opportunity to write than right now, where it’s just the sound of my keys, and the wind and rain (hey tree… please don’t come through our sliding glass door. That’d be a total buzz kill)

I feel like so much has happened, and yet, not a whole lot has changed. Maisy is leaving in a matter of days, and that’s sort of just sinking in for both of us. Last month we had our first sister solo adventure that we have only been talking about since she was like 12! We took the train into Boston for the Britney Spears/Nicki Minaj concert.

All you haters can just stop right there. They are two very talented women who have had some rough times and have come out on top. Much like some other people I know…

There was also a crazy surprise as Pauly D opened for them. Judge away, we did, but man it got the crowd going, so rock on Mr. Delveccio.

Not only was the show jaw-droppingly amazing (literally, my mind was blown. What an experience) but it was just so good to have my sister all to myself for 2 days. We did everything girly, with no agenda, spoiled ourselves with room service after the show, and even met up with one of our loves from camp (you’ll see this is a pattern). It was just perfect. And I think we have convinced ourselves that perhaps the Cyrs can travel without tragedy striking!

Now I’m getting ready to send her off to college, and only is she going to a wonderful school with wonderful standings, but she is also already taking time off to go to DC for an anti-bullying summit with the feds, and may speak on a panel. I could not be more proud of her for everything that is about to come her way. It does feel like just yesterday she was a little girl riding behind me on my scooter, now we’re both flying back and forth to our nation’s capitol to tell people what’s up. Eat your heart out Kim & Kourtney, Mal and Maisy are taking DC.

I know she’ll do so well in college, but I can’t help but have so many mixed feelings as I know the ups and downs that will come with it. I know she is a smart girl, but to have to relive all the mistakes I already made once…. Oy vey…. I feel old already. But kudos Miss Maisy, the world is yours and I (and I know you’re entire family and following) is SO proud of what you have become, and all that you will do!

In other news, my life is simply speeding along as it tends to. Although I thought September would be mostly spent at home, I am excited to be invited to a 3 day training in Atlanta on cultural and linguistic competence. This is with the same group that I happened to shut down Disneyland with, so I’m excited for everything about it!

Last week, I also went to our actual home base for Got Transition? And was able to have some face-to-face time with the core team. Granted, I could do an entire blog about the pros and cons of working from home, but this was definitely an important opportunity. I got to meet people I had never even met before, be in the same room as my colleagues for several conference calls, and meet our graphic design/marketing team (the stuff I really get excited over). It really jazzed me up to sink my teeth into work this fall and find new ways to take transition to a whole new level (stay tuned for our sure to epic radio show coming at the end of September… Khloe After Dark, you have met your match).

I like to think of fall as a fresh start, even if I am not physically going “back to school,” so I feel really good about where things are at. Grad school process is slowly moving forward, and I’m hoping to have some interviews in a couple of months. Camp gala is in September for my dose of musical theater, and the glamorous side of camp…

Then comes October! Which… is going to be a ball buster, but I’m so excited! October and March have proven to be my killer months but it’s what keeps me going. In October we have:

Reno (more than likely) for non-work related business that will make happier than any other trip in the near future, shortly followed by Denver, for our Learning Collaborative, and maybe some long distance bff catch up, DC for maybe grad school interviewing and our last session with that learning collaborative… then a weekend who knows where… and then, bam, almost Thanksgiving!

To say the least fall is not looking so bad this year…

Lots going on, change is in the air (literally) and I am ready to jump into this new beginning feet first!

2011-07-29T21:33:00.012-04:00

YFRF

I have decided, that for this blog, instead of trying to catch up on the far too epic past 2 months (during which normally, not a heck of a lot would happen....) I will post a Video blog, and break it down bullet style.

In one of my less public journals I try to do something called "You freakin' rock, Friday!!!" and I just list 5 things that are awesome for that week. In this version it will be more of an update form, but I'll try not to be too long winded!

Happy Friday

YFRF- JULY 2011

1. Maisy graduated!!! She is all ready, and eager to head off to Colby Sawyer college in New Hampshire, for psychology. I'm so excited for her, I think it will be wonderful for her, and even though I'll miss my other half, I'm spoiling her rotten in the mean time (BRITNEY IN 2 WEEKS!!!!) and I know it's exactly what she needs right now. (Still nagging her to do a guest blog too one of these days- and by nagging I mean, I've asked once)

2. This past weekend, and over the last few months, I have reconnected with so many of my friends! I was home by myself for the weekend and partly thought I'd sit home and watch movies all weekend, wishing I were somewhere where I actually had people to go out with *cough*Vegas*cough* but before I knew it, I was booked every day, and over the course of this week I have seen 5 of my best friends (and maybe more this week). It was just great to relax, catch up and remember why I consider people important in my life. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! When it comes down to it, I do have people here. And all over the country. Pretty cool stuff!

(My lovely THITWGC Graduates <3)

Birthday in Vegas, with friends I never knew I had but I missed before I left.

More Vegas antics. Sari, and the Bare Naked Ladies concert. Pretty epic week... all birthdays from here on out are going to have a tough act to follow!

Heather from Kansas, and I at a Red Sox game in Baltimore.

3. CAMP CAMP CAMP. Next week Maisy and I are speaking at a golf tournament fundraiser, then a couple weeks later is Alumni stage night, then in the fall we're volunteering at the gala, which is always an incredible experience, whether I'm serving mac & cheese, or on stage with half of Broadway. I can't wait. Any month that has camp events, is pretty much a good month.

4. My professional life is sort of exploding. I've been working with lots of different people, traveling, speaking, learning, growing, and it's all just been an amazing experience. I'm really excited about where I'm at, and where it's all heading. As I talked about in the video, Face Forward is a really cool project that I'm excited to sink my teeth into, and things with Got Transition? are moving a mile a minute, but I really feel like I know what's going on and am contributing, and really leading a lot of stuff. Check out our facebook for the latest ongoings! Or the Website to sign up to get notices about cool stuff we're doing!

Outside the White House Conference Center (yes, I met the man... and I'm not sure the rules of posting pictures, but find me on facebook it's in my profile picture album :) )

5. Best for last I suppose. I went back and forth about posting this, since in this forum I'm actually pretty chill about my personal life, but this has been a huge, wonderful part of the last few months for me, so I'm putting it out there- it can also prove as proof that I maybe am not THAT much of a cynical cat lady.

So there's this boy. His name is Owen, and he lives in Nevada (duh, go big or go home... I don't do anything half way), which is how we met- when I was out at the conference in Vegas in March. Clearly I could write a whole blog about it because "our story" is fun. But long story short, we met, talked, really connected, and he flew to Vegas to be with me for my birthday. The whole thing is sort of Disney, and I'm convinced there should be a Vegas princess and I should be cast.

It's wonderful. He gets me, we have the same sense of humor, do similar work, and just compliment each other so well. He is the completely level Jason to my spastic crazy Bethenny. It's fantastic. And we just have fun together. So much.

To be pretty transparent, I was hesitant to do the "r word" thing (relationship), because I have seen what it has done to some of my best friends, and I was afraid of changing, and losing what I had and who I was, or duh, getting hurt...

But it is so different than anything I thought I had before... I really didn't know what to do. It was sort of shocking to me how we could just be so real and honest with each other, and how it all just felt right....

So. Finally I decided to stop being jaded, let myself be happy- and we went "Facebook official." And guess what? I'm still me. Except better. Mal vs. 2011, puts Mal vs. 2010 to shame. And now, i just have someone to be sarcastic and cynical, and happy and stressed out, and politically frustrated WITH. We keep checking to make sure we're not those people we hate yet. I think we're getting there- but not quite.

However, as I write this, I am becoming one... so I will end here, before I throw up in my mouth and just say, this year, and summer has been incredible in so many ways, I'm happier than I've ever been. And I cannot wait for everything that's to come.

..oh, and as far as Muffy is concerned. I'll always be a cat lady :)

xoxo

2011-05-01T18:48:00.005-04:00

Today is May 1st, and I think that means it’s a good day for a blog entry.

May has always been a good month for me. Not only because it’s the month I was born (a good enough reason, if you ask me) but because it always sort of seems like a new beginning. I say that when the new year begins too… but it’s still winter at that point, and it’s easy to say but not easy to feel when you just don’t want to leave the house or really do anything.
Spring makes me feel alive, and this year, is shaping up to be a pretty big one. The first few months were oppressed with the paranoia that it just couldn’t be as incredible as 2010 and everything felt like a let down. There was a lot of hoping for things that wouldn’t be, things that didn’t go just the way I planned, and the silly hospitalization that left me feeling weak and vulnerable when I thought I was really kicking ass. I just… wasn’t feeling it.

But now. I am. I just finished reading Bethenny Frankel’s book, A Place of Yes, and not only is she completely me in her writing, sense of humor, and attitude about life, but she really makes me look at my own life in a better way (judge not, before you read this book- she was the antithesis of the other housewives, so just stop).

The sister and I were home alone for the weekend and we of course made the most of it, with Glee dance parties, a trip to the mall for prom essentials and just having girl talk, and watching Disney movies. We can do absolutely nothing, and still have far too much fun. We talked a lot, about where we’re at, what we have, and how far we’ve come. It’s sort of amazing to think about. I know I say that all the time, but it’s always fun when the sun comes out again and you can really see things for what they are! The baby sis is graduating in a matter of days! This year is

huge, and we’re so ready to tackle this summer together, and show it who’s boss. (I also invited her to do a guest blog here when her life calms down a bit, I think it’ll be fun for you to get some words from my other half I speak of so much)

So today, I took the opportunity of a lazy Sunday to make an iced coffee, and just sit on the deck and finish my book. I’m pretty sure I got my first sunburn of 2011, but I also realized that I felt ultimately content. I really feel like in this moment, things are GOOD.

Of course my life is a rollercoaster. But so is Bethenny’s. I related as she talks about how one day her life is pj’s on the couch, and the next is a red carpet in L/A, but part of that, and one of her chapters, is that no matter what your life may bring, live all of those moments, and do those opportunities like it’s your whole world. And I feel like I’m really able to do that. For now, I’m enjoying spring in Leeds, Maine. At the end of this month, I’ll be celebrating my LAST WEEK OF BEING 25 in Las Vegas.

But whether I’m drinking a corona and catching rays on my deck listening to the freak turkeys

that hang out in my backyard, or feeling VIP at the Palms pool, I’m going to live it up, cause it’s ALL who I am.

Another thing Bethenny talked about was her experience with getting and being on The Apprentice. She explained how the first time she “auditioned” to be on the show, she tried to create what she thought they wanted, and was only partially herself. The second time, she was just herself, complete with brutal honesty and biting wit, and that was the time she got on the show. As I thought about it, it reminded me a lot of my life right now. For a long time, in my work, and my life, I was spending so much time being what I thought people wanted me to be, and saying what was put in front of me, but recently, I’ve started infusing more and more of ME into my presentations, and being genuine in what I believe and who I am. And it’s working. I no longer fear that I’m going to disappoint people because I don’t say what they want to hear, and I’m not worried about “learning lines.” I’m still getting opportunities, and I’m finding I’m more able to enjoy things, and just roll with the punches for what each day brings. Somehow, everything is aligning, and it feels RIGHT.

Since the last time I wrote, I met the President.
No big deal. LIES. IT’S A HUGE DEAL. It was a huge deal when I saw him speak, and was one of several hundred people in an auditorium. Of course it’s a big deal that I got to hang out, drink free champagne and shake his hand in the Whitehouse, and chit chat for a few. I’ll post a bigger entry about it, and everything that it was at a later date, but for now, let’s just say it was one of those examples of how things just happen when they’re meant to. I just believed that it would happen, and I hoped I had somehow made an impact in all that I’ve been doing for the last few years. And it did work out. It was hugely reaffirming, that I’ve got something, and am heading in the right direction.

The last thing I want to say, is that, another reason I feel like my life is so on track right now, is because of people. Something that I’m going to talk about in one of my upcoming presentations as well as MY book, is finding your champions- the people who support you, for all that you are, push you to do the things you know you can (and have to), and keep you going when you don’t know if you can. I really feel like right now, those are the people I have in my life. They are all key players and there aren’t people I have to be fake around or feel negativity with. Not that that is something to get used to, or that I can’t handle knowing people who challenge me, but it’s a nice feeling to just feel so supported for being ME.

Perhaps sunshine and sleep just bring out the best in me, but I’m in a good place, feeling inspired, empowered and EXCITED for all that’s coming up! Next Step weekend, a conference in West Virginia, VEGAS, birthdays, and summer 2011. I’m looking forward to every moment. So Happy May Day, may you have a wonderful spring and find ways to come from a Place of Yes!

Xoxo

2011-04-07T10:50:00.010-04:00

Vegas, Kansas, and Family, OH MY! (part 1)

Well March definitely went out like a lion, but before it did, it surely did not

disappoint, even if the beginning was a little rocky.I do this thing where I get all worked up that things are, or aren’t going to be a certain way before I even give it a chance to happen. I

recognize this, and that it’s silly and that I need to cut it the heck out… and truly, I’m working

on it.So following with this theory, and how things had just been continually caving in on all sides, then ending up in and out of the hospital and on 2 antibiotics- how could Vegas possibly be any fun? Silly, silly me.Perhaps my “Vegas experience” was not one torival the current season of Real World (and sweet lord- I hope nothing ever is- please don’t judge my whole state based on that foolish kid!) or even a typical spring break, but, it was one of those trips that fueled my fire to

inspire, and left me feeling happy, excited, fulfilled, and with a heck of a lot more Blackberry Messenger contacts.I have been to many, many conferences and met a lot of people, but there was something about “the Vegas crew” (well the entire NV crew if you want to get all territorial) that just “got it”beyond what I’ve seen before.They were a tight group, and when I was getting ready to board the plane to head back to Eastern Time (psh, what’s that) I smiled as I got a message that said, “We look out for each other. You’re part of the family now.”Aside from just meeting incredible people, the conference was really great. If you

ever have the opportunity to hear Joyce Bender, definitely don’t miss her session. She works on getting people with disabilities employment in competitive fields, and her attitude is just kick ass and topnotch. Then of course there was when we did the Macarena before noon, the incredible Mexican lunch buffet, and the conversations that occurred in and around sessions both fun and serious where people were able to learn from each other. O

verall it was a great experience, I felt totally at home, and I know I will continue to learn and be inspired from everyone at Family Ties NV.So cut to the last conference day- which was the day of the segway from work to “play time.” My poor mother, who had been inserted into this trip at the last minute and ended up ultimately having a good time as much as she protested “Vegas is not her thing,” Woke up with a stomach bug of death. Of course this was the day after St. Patrick’s so although it was a low key night before, I still had to give her heck that it was simply because she was not capable of throwing down Vegas style. Sad for her

that was not the case at all, she simply had horrible luck that tends to haunt our family wherever we are. She tried to go to the conference but ended up leavingearly, and I sat on hold listening to way too many Planet Hollywood commercials to make sure she could check in early. Finally everything was squared away.

EXCEPT. I had just bought tickets to a show, for that night. What’s a girl to do? Turn to her new Vegas girls of course! Within five minutes I had a date for the evening and would actually get a night on the town as I had planned.

After everything was wrapped up from the conference, we headed to the strip, windows down, Ke$ha blasting. Somehow it all works out.2 episodes of disaster date, 1 IV antibiotic, and a Britney album later (and of course making sure my poor ailing mother was going to make it through the night with her $15 room service toast) I was good to go.

The night was fantastic! Except for maybe having to walk all over creation in baby heels, but that only adds to the adventure. God bless moving sidewalks!
I got to see the whole strip lit up at night, and have an ultimate girls’ night out that can really be experienced in Vegas!
The next day, mom came back to life, which was good for both of us! We had breakfast at a buffet (best creation ever!!!) and played tourist at the Bellagio and Caesar’s palace after bathing suit shopping for far too long with amazing sales people who acted like they had to strategically hide central lines in designer bikinis every day (some of us do…) Unfortunately I tend to goeverywhere when the weather is crappy- or I make the weather crappy… I think it’s a little of both. But either way there was no pool action this time, but I will be prepared for… next time!

That evening there was going to be another exciting dinner date! You see, camp love is one of those rare sorts that pops up when you least expect it but need it most, and expands all over the country. My third year of camp, I was in Yellow (this matters, duh) and I had a nurse, who I still talk about to this day. She made dealing with IV nonsense a fun, creative activity that only

certain “cool” people got to partake in. And she was just awesome. This was in 1997-98? And I hadn’t seen or heard from her until this year! God bless Facebook! She happens to live in Vegas!As we met up and had sushi at Koi, it was like no time had passed, let alone 13 years, we just both had a lot more life experience under our belts. I won’t say we grew up…cause… people who watched our antics at Ben & Jerry’s would probably beg to differ. Again, no true craziness went down, but I laughed harder than I think I have in most of 2011 and it’s so great to have one of my earliest champions back in my life.

So there you have it. One more breakfast buffet the next morning we were back at the Jet Blue terminal…and me looking at flights to go back before I was even out of my incredible Planet Hollywood bed! Stay tuned!

I was going to make this entry about Kansas as well… but I think I’ll drag it out so I have less ginormous entries and more that folks will read.
Never a dull moment!

xo

2011-03-11T15:50:00.004-05:00

It’s already March! That’s three months into 2011.
I haven’t necessarily forgotten to blog, but for the sake of transparency I’ll just say, winter and I truly do not get along and I just wasn’t feeling in a place to say anything that was worth reading.

Nobody wants to read about the Winter of Mal’s Discontent, which really is what it felt it had become. I hate being cold, we got way more snow this year, than really…in all my life that I can remember, and I simply wanted to be a hermit (and pretty much did) so how fun is that? It’s not really.
Although- being in a huge slump of winter hating, did sort of put a fire underneath me to do something about it. This winter really made me realize that, beyond it not even being physically safe when all the parking lots and driveways are glaciers, I really cannot do this. I’m not happy here. There are no opportunities for anything that would further develop my career, and well… it’s boring. I feel like a cat lady at the mere age of 25… and as much as I love my Muffy. That is a no go.So rewind to January. I decided I needed to start seeing what I can do on my own and where the challenges are ultimately going to be. A couple weeks into the brand new year of 2011 I had myself a round trip ticket to good ol’ Washington DC. Just one. There was a meeting of all the National Centers, and so I planned a weekend accordingly so that I would have some time away, and then be able to represent Got Transition? at the meeting and jump back into the game, since I felt a little out of the loop after missing all the action in October.
As the days went by I kept getting a little nervous, but I was sort of surprised at how I really wasn’t all that phased by making the venture by myself. I had been planning it in my head for months already, and I knew that the next step really was just taking the plunge.
So I did. And in that one weekend, I felt more alive than I had in months. The travel was seamless. Everyone went above and beyond to make sure I was ok, and just to be safe, I had gone ahead and had one of those lovely black SUV’s meet me at the airport so I would be sure I’d be taken care of. Look out Lauren Conrad…there’s a new diva in town with equally fabulous sunglasses and pink luggage.
The first night I was there, after the mandatory post flight nap, and discovering why I don’t watch Sarah Palin’s reality show, I met up with one of my VIP’s for an informal strategic planning meeting of “operation Mal needs to live in DC.” No conclusions were made except that it basically needs to happen, and that Jersey Shore was a lost cause after Miami.
The next day I tried to fathom that I had an entire day, and the entire city to myself, with absolutely no agenda! I slept in (of course the one time I can sleep in in a hotel, the beds are a bit subpar…) then eventually made my way to the nearest Starbucks… which was in walking distance, and figured out my day over a latte and breakfast sandwich. It was a bit surreal as I remembered my first week of college, as I sat and Java Joe’s and I wrote in my journal “It’s not exactly a city…. Or Starbucks… but look at me, on my own writing in coffee shop!” (or something equally faux optimistic) And now, here I actually was, in a Starbucks, in a real city, with a sense of purpose, things to do and people to see.
I ended up at the Smithsonian American Art Museum for most of the afternoon. “Brain…meet art! I know...it’s been awhile.” As I wandered through the exhibits, taking it all in, I realized just how long it had been since my brain had actually had to interpret or absorb anything beyond Jersey Shore, how to get to Margarita’s, or Real Housewives from all over the map.
After that I wandered around Chinatown for awhile and ended up at Chipotle for dinner. I know, I know. Here I am, with some of the best restaurants, DURING restaurant week…. But, what the heart (and stomach) wants… the heart wants.

Then, I magically hailed a cab out of nowhere, in a fashion that would’ve put Carrie Bradshaw to shame and got back to the hotel just in time to watch the final game before the Super Bowl at the bar with people from all over (I even scored a free chocolate mousse). All in all, a successful day.The next day was the meeting, which was held at the Army Navy Club, so there was a dress code! Up before the sun, blazer, pearls, nylons and I was off. It was a long day, of too many powerpoint slides, but also seeing so many people who were glad I had made it, and the feeling that “oh yea… you’re wanted here!”
But before I knew it, I was putting sweats back on in a hotel bathroom, and watching the sunset over the Washington monument from my cab to the airport.

I had done it. The flight home was one of many emotions (as the flights home continually get more and more emotional…) of excitement, accomplishment, but also fear, because now, I can’t deny, that the only thing holding me back… is me.
Sine then, there was also a wonderful trip to Portland, Oregon, and another epic week in DC for the AMCHP conference (where it sort of all began… last year).I got to debut with the new National Center, and give a presentation that had standing room only in attendance, and was a firm reminder that I’m really finding my voice in all of this, not just reading somebody else’s slides.

Between the gala (an almost perfect Valentine’s day consisting of a red dress, and champagne), the sun/lack of snow on the ground, being able to walk across the street for coffee, or Chipotle, and the rush of learning, thinking and networking again, it was yet another event that left me going “Oh yea… you’re good at this. This is why you do what you do.”

The other highlight that cannot go unmentioned, because if this hadn’t happened… the week would’ve been… fairly lonely. I met my long time virtual bff Emily! We were supposed to meet in October, but we all know how that turned out. To have someone of my own demographic who really “gets it,” on every level like nobody else I’ve ever met was absolutely amazing. Suffice to say, we had way too much fun, and once again I’m left saying “Whyyyyy do we live so far apart?!”After all of this, I went home, frustrated to have to be leaving at all, let alone coming back to more snow, and not a whole lot else. Which is exactly why, I took the GRE’s the following week. My grad school timeline got a little altered to what I thought it would be, but that silly piece of the puzzle that was holding me back from applying is OVER. It’s really happening…
And now here we are. Next up on the itinerary is Las Vegas. This trip has taken some various transformations, and unfortunately, there was another little blip on the radar and I’ll be managing one IV antibiotic while I’m there. There will be two days of their Youth Transition Jamboree (the same group I virtually presented for in Reno last year) and then the weekend will hopefully consist of food, fun, and foolishness. It definitely won’t be spring break style, but at this point, I can’t say no to just having 80 degree weather! Can’t wait!!!

I may write about it….
But… you know what they say.

xoxo

2010-12-30T21:01:00.010-05:00

Friendship is thicker than blood

That depends

Depends on trust

Depends on true devotion

Depends on love

Depends on not denying emotion

Perhaps

It's gonna be

A happy new year

- RENT <3

There is only one more day left in 2010, and although it’s been quite the rollercoaster, I’m a little sad to see it go…
2010 (pronounced twenty ten…) was a good year. Not in a flashy, “go all kinds of warm exotic place” kind of year, but a quiet “lots of self discovery and realizing what’s really important and where to go next” kind of good.
Let’s do a bit of a Year in Review, shall we?

JANUARY-
MAL GETS HER LICENSE!!!!
What else is there, honestly? Eight years in the making, that step of transition can FINALLY get checked off the to-do list!

FEBRUARY-
I went to the dark side of AT&T and tried to see if I could be an Iphone user…being a firm believer of once you go mac you never go back (well, I did go back… I’m a crackberry girl at heart and could write an entry just about that…. But I still love my AT&Ters!)
February in Gray…. What is there to say? My braces were off, and some good times went down. I have a feeling people at Styxx will always remember my name.
…and then the snow began to melt, and we got our act together, but here’s to the nights we don’t entirely remember with people we’ll never forget!

MARCH-
March and I never used to get along really. It was the drudgiest (new word!) time of the year to be in Maine, the snow turns to mud, the sun rarely comes out, and the anticipation of spring is just agonizing. Then I realized March is high time for conferences, and opportunities to LEAVE! Two years ago I hit Miami, NYC, and DC in March, and although that was a bit much, it made the month fly by and was far less torturous.
This March, was a bit of a pinnacle for me. Enter way too many cheerleaders, a huge hotel on the river, and a couple sunny days on Capitol Hill, something had changed within me. I didn’t see it coming, but I got bit by that bug and realized I was in the right place at the right time, and meant to do what I’m doing, to whatever level I can take. We’re in a time of change, and I’m smack in the middle of it!

APRIL:
Still feeling the energy from the week of hill visits and being in our nation’s capitol (and really getting a taste of what that means) I had the opportunity to see my favorite president in person, talking to our very own community. Realizing, we’re not just talking anymore- we ARE a part of the change that’s happening before our very eyes. We were hooked.
Also, the end of one chapter, the beginning of another…

MAY:
May is near and dear to my heart. Being a May baby, I don’t need to completely rehash the fabulous things that happened in May, but this year was a pretty powerful May. Having ended the job with HRTW that I had known for the previous 3 years I began my interim months of not knowing where my life was headed, and a series of opportunities that would guide me to figure it out.. .and to remember who I was in the mean time. I kicked off May in Denver, CO which was an amazing experience, getting to work with other people who really “get” the ideas of youth empowerment, and spending time with an amazing family I would ultimately end up working with in the coming years! I also got to hear the stories of powerful youth leaders who made me grateful all over again for everything I have and am able to do, and see the Columbine memorial, which I meant to blog about but the whole experience was just so intense I wasn’t able to find the right words.

The following weekend, was a Next Step Family Weekend, which was one of those times where it felt everything was perfectly placed to be cathartic in just the right way (like previous trips to NY, and many things involving camp…) I can’t accurately sum it up now, but here’s an excerpt from the journal entry I wrote after the weekend, during which my family climbed “the tower,” for those who are unfamiliar, let me once again refer you to this video:

For a long time I have been dealing with this inner struggle that there are sort of two aspects to my life/identity. There is the forever cheerful, ever optimistic, musical theater, forward moving little girl known as Princess Peanut, who grew up at camp and was continuing to show people the importance of "defying gravity" and how no matter what hand you are dealt, you CAN achieve your dreams. For the past three years, that side has made an occasional appearance, but I have felt like she has been frequently been overpowered by a new, jaded, still passionate, but determined due to bitterness, discontent person.
I've been worried that I had been losing where I came from and who I really am deep inside. I know she is still there.
Long story short, I have been slowly weeding the negativity from my life, being active in finding happiness and really reassessing what is important in my life. When I knew we were going to camp for the weekend, I realized at the same time that I had to climb the wall again. I started to back out when I saw it, and realized how high it was, but this was my chance, to remind the world, and myself, that I still had it.
When I got to camp, other people started to arrive. Including most of the key players who had supported me in climbing in my 98 venture. The day we were going to do it, even the videographer who recorded that interview made a cameo (who is completely gorgeous and I plan on connecting with for other professional goals) but it was so just....fateful. I knew this was all meant to play out.
So when we got to the tower, I watched a lot of people go, and knew I couldn't turn back. I got set up and realized how freaking vertical and high it was, but I had come so far from 1998, and I had my baby sister and my dad supporting me at the same time.

This time was so different. As I climbed up there, I wasn't scared. I was determined. Every time I moved up, it was for someone else who had hurt me, or thought I couldn't succeed or who had kept me down with their negativity. I thought "this is for YOU. That little girl, who thought nothing could keep her from reaching her dreams. Guess what? She is STILL HERE!"

After that, my sister came up, and my dad, and we shared an amazing moment (we called my mom from the top...yay technology), as our entire family had defied gravity. A metaphor for what we truly have done, and continue to do in our lives every day. And, I had the contentment of knowing. The Princess is still around. The dreams may have changed, but I still have the capability to reach them.

Shortly after that, I was going to turn 25, which could be an epic blog entry in itself. I had my first surprise party ever, complete with so many people from my past and present who had been there along the way. It was a little weird having my worlds collide, but it was fantastic, and I have completely embraced being “a quarter of a century.”
And finally, May ended with what I consider to be the best Memorial Day weekend ever (and I’m partial to them because my birthday usually falls on it). My entire family was together by the pool, and it was a simple week of sun, food, drinks, and celebrating. The perfect way to ring in the summer of 2010, with whatever it had in store.

JUNE – AUGUST:
I’m slowly losing motivation in writing this, and I might as well admit it, cause it will show. But it’s exhausting reliving a year, that was already exhausting once. The summer was interesting, and when I look back on it, you know, as tough as it was, I don’t remember it negatively. I remember being poolside with my family, driving with my windows down, beach trips, and the freedom and anticipation of where my life would be when it all ended . I took summer one day at a time…and it felt good.

SEPTEMBER – OCTOBER:
September was a month of getting acclimated once again to living at home, unpacking boxes, and mending fences with my cat who had been convinced I had left her to fend for herself with the dog owners. I made a point of reconnecting with my friends and scheduling things like dinner and coffee dates so we could just convince ourselves we both still had “social lives.” It worked. And I re-established Starbucks as my “third place” (well second really, since I work from home, and all over the place.
September also held a unique opportunity that I found out about last minute via twitter, and I dipped my toe into another political pool when I saw Lady Gaga speak about the repeal Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

I had big plans for October- but the universe had other ideas for me. Another blip on the radar I suppose. I got knocked down, got better and got back up, with a bit of a new appreciation for when my health is good, and how lucky I am since that is the case most of the time. Although the not feeling good part was pretty crappy, it was a little bit nice to be able to lay in bed and just not worry about anything, and truly “rest up.” I wish our society permitted that more often without the inevitable guilt factor…

Another bright thing that happened in October, was getting my best friend back from the wonderful place we call the West Coast. Every time we're together I'm reminded my we're best friends, and although we've both grown up a bit, and added a few members to the family, it still feels like we were just eating pizza, and listening to Mariah Carey like it's 2003. I'm so blessed to have her back and just a text message away.

NOVEMBER-
And we’re back in the game with a (if I do say so myself) kick butt conference in Houston, TX and connecting with some wonderful people I will get to work with in 2011. Then came Thanksgiving and the beginning of festive, family, fun for the holidays.

(just a little football viewing)

….Here we are in DECEMBER.

Wow… what a year huh? Since winter drags on for so many months, I like to make the most of when it’s still fun, and all the hype before Christmas…. So enter our trip to NYC. Without having an event to go, or be in this year, I decided to just make it happen for FUN (iiii know). Tickets to Elf the musical, third row to In the Heights and a room on the upper east side later, we had a trip! The tree, the shopping, the freezing cold, it was definitely an experience. I did learn that we do it best when we stay right in the heart of Times Square and it saves on commuting, and late nights, but all in all it was a great time. We also saw Love, Loss and What I Wore which was the perfect girls’ night out show to be followed by seasonal pumpkin flavored Pinkberry. And Vnyl has so been added to our must hit dinner locales, next time we’re in town!

Christmas held more tradition of hours of card games, the traditional Christmas eve shindig and a morning of opening too many presents. A cozy perfect last holiday of 2010.

So here we are. 2010 is done in a matter of a day and a few hours. It’s silly to say, where has it gone… because I just spent 3 pages telling you. I guess the better question is where will 2011 take me? I’ve said previously, I’m not a fan of resolutions, and I’m not. I’m not going to shop less, or exercise more, I’m going to continue to do what makes me happy in moderation.

Last year, I said I would do strive to do a few things

As for the goals- well. License? CHECK!!! GRE’s…. in the process, but I do have more of a direction. Passport still to do….but I will.
This year I think will be ultimately about taking the next steps, whatever that may be. It’s actually kind of perfect, as Mais and I wrote a theme song about doing just that, and I think I need to remind myself of that as I move forward.
I’m also going to remind myself of one my “resolutions” from last year and work on staying positive. As I wrote after my trip to Albuquerque, I want to keep that sense of excitement that used to come with every trip I take, and the energy with every presentation I give. If I can keep both of those things in mind and take it one day at a time, I think it can be another good year.

There is plenty to look forward to:
Oregon, DC, VEGAS, Kansas, Maisy graduates (ok, let’s not get ahead of ourselves….)
So, with a bit of a knot in my stomach I thank 2010 for all it has taught me, and brought my way, and say cheers to 2011.

A new year, with so much in front of me!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

2010-11-24T23:21:00.007-05:00

Time to Give thanks.... for what?

I write a lot about how blessed I am, and I do not take anything in my life for granted. I KNOW how lucky I am. BUT. I’d also be lying if I didn’t say that like a lot of people, when the air turns cold, and the holiday lights start twinkling, I have days where I get in a weird space of saying “what am I thankful for?”

It is hard sometimes, to look at my life, and say, sheesh, I expected to be farther than this. To watch my friends stop coming home, or having time for me because they have to do two thanksgiving with their significant others’ family too, or they don’t live here anymore and it’s just too expensive to come home. Granted, I have a lot going on in my life, but when it all slows down, it’s just me and Muffy, at my parents’ house attempting to listen to all the Christmas music that reminds me of the good old ASTP days, or the times I listened to certain CD’s 24/7 so I could stop crying at school long enough to write that on last paper between me and coming home to everyone I loved.

The holidays = memories, and let’s face it. Even when you’re home… you can’t go home again.

I’m not writing this to get people to feel bad, or pick up the phone to call and squeeze me in when you’re home (but hey, if you have time…. ) I’m just putting it out there, because I feel like being honest, and I think it hits a lot of people, but we’re forced to gag down a cup of cheer and trudge through the malls even when we’re just not feeling it. You’re not alone…

On that note, I took most of the day to spend time by myself, and knowing our tried and true, unoriginal tradition of going around the table and sharing, pondering the question, “What AM I thankful for?”

Here’s what I came up with:

Being alive- I’m a bit of a miracle. I don’t think anyone thought that at 25, I’d be here, let along be doing what I’m doing (and be quite so fabulous doing it). I don’t walk around on a daily basis going, “Um, don’t mess with me, I’m a miracle you know!” But it is something that helps me feel empowered when I think about it. Clearly I was kept around to do something big… so let’s keep at it.

My family. We have a crazy unique dynamic, and don’t you dare get in the middle of a game of cards, but I cannot deny I have the best, strongest, safet

y net/fan base any girl could ever ask for. From my first dance recital (that I only made it to the rehearsal apparently?) to college graduation, and flying all over the country, they are there, and/or telling all their friends. I’d be nowhere without them.

My job and the opportunities I have had from it- Sure it’s a tough world to be thrown into, but getting to go all over the country and get a sense of national wisdom (and I continue to learn) has inspired me, and given me a sense of what else IS out there- as well as the people who push me to get it. I now feel like I can back up my argument that “Yea, I am bigger than this.”

Camp- Not just for the time spent on the stage of Lincoln Center with Julia and Kristin but for shaping who I am, and REMINDING ME who I am, even now, when I hit that place of, I just can’t do it any more, I’m just me.

The little things that get me through the day- Being able to drive, and blast music in my car that I bought myself. My Starbucks crew that makes me smile and provides the perfect latte, the bartenders in the twin cities that know just how I take my margarita, seeing the sunset over the cow fields on the way home (even though I curse them at the same time), my friends who text me just to say they thought of me. Ke$ha, Britney, Taylor, and all those others that pump me up when I’m not feeling hot. My kitty who makes sure that I don’t have to sleep alone (even though she is a rebel and always wants to snuggle when it’s time to get up)

And ultimately- although I already mentioned family, this one deserves it’s own, final bullet:

MY SISTER.

Lots of people have siblings, but even strangers have pointed out that we have something special. Everything I gripe about when I’m in that place of slump seems irrelevant when I think of going through it with Maisy, from shopping for jugs of water during a Maine wilderness power failure to eating Sushi near Lincoln Center in NYC, we’re pretty unstoppable when we’re together and anything becomes a memorable adventure. We have reached the point where we can exchange personal jokes without even uttering a word, and just making eye contact. We say the things at the same time. We’ll start singing the same song at the same time without even having heard it recently. She may be an outdoor cowgirl and I try to avoid walking in grass, but I have so much respect for everything she has achieved and how hard she works. She is the Timone to my Pumbaa, the Glinda to my Elphaba, the Beavis to my Butthead (I shall not go on). Recently, with her college application process, and watching her crank out essays and fill out applications, I have actually been inspired to start busting my own ass on this whole GRE process and really thinking seriously about the whole grad school thing. Her courage and fresh excitement for the whole “college thing” has made me realize that I need to not fear my own future. With 2011 fast approaching, who knows where things could go!
So after figuring all of this out, and coming to terms with where I’m at, and seeing once again how clearly lucky I am, I can now finish my tea, go to sleep happy and blessed, and wake up tomorrow to watch the parade in the city I will be in in approximately 2 weeks, eat too much, laugh too much, lose money at cards and finally, officially ring in the holiday season, for whatever it is, as Mal version 2010 as she will only exist for a few more weeks!
Let’s do this.

2010-11-07T01:07:00.000-04:00

My life is ridiculous?

2010-11-04T15:42:00.003-04:00

As I sat in the hospital, early on in my admission two weeks ago, I was talking to one of my friends, who referenced something, as we discussed my situation.
She said that she “got it,” as she was one of the rare breed known as a “CSHN diva.” I have met a few, and perhaps I will start a sorority. Wouldn’t that be fun? Just call me Elle Woods (Legally Blonde 2 is my inspiration for life…)
They are people who are consumers of “the system,” know the drill and still maintain their proper level of fabulosity. Granted, it is not easy to do.
Here are some tips…
Perhaps this should just grow into a book…. It is a bit lengthy. Being fabulous is not easy remember.

(Of course, let me offer a disclaimer that this is not actually sage health advice, just a witty blog- please listen to your doctors before me)

CSHN Diva’s guide to being in the hospital:

1. Be polite.
First and foremost. As my fellow diva, and good friend Kristin Chenoweth explains, part of being a diva is being nice. This can be difficult when you feel terrible, and would like to be anywhere but inpatient, but believe it or not, people do have your best interests at heart, and are just doing their jobs. As miserable as I can be, I always try to make light of the obnoxious questions that get asked hundreds of times. Keeping your sense of humor surprises people and let’s them know you’re on board with what they’re trying to do, which is ultimately get you better. I also believe in thanking everybody, from the people who clean your room to the people who draw your blood (even if it takes them 6 tries after you ask them “are you good at what you do”) Little things make a big difference, and I even learned this stay that people were arguing over who got to be my night nurse (and here I was worried about being the high maintenance bitch people avoided)

2. It’s ok to speak up:
I have been doing this whole “hospital patient” thing longer than most of my doctors have been practicing. I know my body, and I know my symptoms. Basically when I go into the ER, I know what I need, and I know what needs to be done. I know what tests are a waste of time and money, and what could possibly mean something else. Trust your gut. Don’t be afraid to mention something that you think might be up, or refuse something that you know is irrelevant (again… if your doctor really insists, it might be worth it… I’m not giving medical advice here) you can make your ER process, or hospital stay a lot more productive if you are able to guide people through what has or has not worked for you, and reminding them that you have things to do and people to see can actually have an impact versus laying around waiting for them to make the next move. Things in the ER tend to move about as fast as a granny marathon...

3. Wardrobe:
This comes directly from a texting conversation early on, between divas.

A:“Tell me you are wearing adorable pj’s and not one of those horrible hospital gowns”
M: “Clearly.”

Not only does this prevent a major fashion faux pas, but it is a crucial step in maintaining one’s dignity and showing people who is in charge of your body. Nothing says “I don’t care” like a not properly sized sheet with sleeves and no back. Please. Nobody wants to see that, and I guarantee it is not going to help if you get chilly. Conveniently for me (or not so) I had been dressed for flying, so was already equipped with velour sweats and a t-shirt, and in my blind rage of packing, brought more sweats, and t-shirts from various conferences and musicals. It may not be a fashion show, but at least an opportunity to show people that you are still you. Fuzzy socks and sweatshirts are a must as well, you never know when they might be out of "footie slippers" or warm blankets... and hospital temperatures and fevers can be very unpredictable (much like airplanes)

4. Hygiene:
Be the girl that smells good. Trust me, it surprises people, and again shows you respect yourself. I am a huge believer in feeling good has a lot to do with looking good (or at least smelling good).

Although it can be a huge ordeal, do not go more than 3 day with at least some sort of sponge bath (or shower if possible). It might seem like a huge process, but I guarantee it will make you feel better, if only for a little while. Being sick is no excuse to get dread locks either. If you are seriously in a bad way, might I suggest braids as an elegant easy style that is perfect for miserable writhing in bed without too much damage and tangling.

Another rule I stand by all the time, whether it be on an airplane or just in winter weather. Moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. Hospital air is just as atrocious as airplane air, and thus is torture for most skin. Bring your own lotion and apply frequently. Those little hospital slipper socks are fabulous to slip on after liberally moisturizing your feet (bonus if you talk someone into giving you an inpatient pedicure too) and letting it soak in while you lie about.

5. Room service it is not.
Oh the food. Granted, let me preface this with just how disenchanting it is to go from truffle mac and cheese and Marriott breakfast menus to a hospital menu that now says “room service.”

I just about cried when I saw the universe was mocking me so (and the fact that I knew my colleagues were going to be having sushi and receptions all week while I had orange sherbet and grilled cheese….)

One thing I have realized when I’m sick, is that my appetite is as up and down as my temperature. I either want nothing at all, or get one craving for something that won’t go away until I have it (usually something that is not on the “room service” menu). On one horrible hospital experience, my fellow diva and I actually ordered Chinese takeout and had it delivered directly to my room.

Other than that, I know the people that will visit that understand what I’m dealing with and offer to bring me lattes, or Thai food when I’m absolutely craving it. Don’t be afraid to ask what for you want. People will want you to “eat and get your strength back.” If you don’t have someone to go fetch your dietary requests, don’t be afraid to special order from the “room service” menu. For example… hospital scrambled eggs are far better with cheese though it’s not listed there. Always ask. The worst thing that can happen is they say no, you don’t eat and end up losing a couple pounds. Could be worse, right?

6. Connectivity is a right not a privilege
One of my trademarks is that I can be having blood drawn, or an IV in one arm, and the other will always have my blackberry.

Within the first five minutes of being admitted (and stabilized, obviously if I’m not feeling well I don’t care…) I know what the wifi availability is, or where I have to go to get it (I used to have to go to a crowded library with a username and password on public computer…tragic).

True divas cannot just go off the grid without some sort of update to let people know what’s going on (more on this soon) or to at least keep up with the celebrity gossip or what is going on in the outside world so they don’t feel completely hidden away, a la Repunzel sans her prince charming. Sometimes things simply must be done. I have e-mailed papers from the nurse’s station when I was in college, and most recently virtually streamed the day of speakers I was missing in DC then participated virtually in a strategic planning meeting via texting as well.

Granted, I’m a bit of a work-a-holic and have been resting since then, but true divas know when it’s important to have a presence, and when the statement to make is to be missed.

7. Have secrets:
This is sort of a newer thing I realized more this time, as my mother and I were having disputes of who was telling what information. Now that social media is a huge deal (take it or leave it, it’s there) it’s different than when I had a few select people I would keep informed of my health and the different stages of being sick (hey guys I’m in the ER, I’ll keep you posted, vs. “Ok, not looking good, probably going to have surgery, good thoughts please.” )

But now…when I post an “update” it goes to 600 people. Or if someone in my family posts an update it goes to another several hundred (who may or may not also be seeing mine). To me… information about my health is an earned privilege. I don’t believe in divulging my entire cyber-audience with details of what my blood count was or what my fever was.

I see it as the equivalent of a first date. You don’t go on a first date and say, “Hi, I’m Mal, I’m a little high maintenance and there is a chance I could go into the hospital with a severe infection, want to share an appetizer?” Brutal to say, sometimes the scary truth is a good way to push people away. Not everyone can handle it. Usually after the initial blast that things are not well and there has been a change of plans, I slowly get it narrowed down to the VIP’s who want to be in it for the long haul, and continue to keep them posted (these are usually the people I know will be dropping by with frequent lattes and new issues of magazines, knowing just what I need without me asking).
Otherwise my updates are vague and minimally dramatic (except when I become terribly bored and depressed and the walls are closing in). I find this is the best way, for several reasons, one of which, I have seen what people do when they do not have all the facts. One time I was in the hospital, I had told one of my friends that I had an infection, only to find out that it got turned into that I had AIDS. As much as I love RENT…. That is not the case. The less information that is out there, the less that can be misconstrued, and the less hysteria there is among my 600 “friends,” and the more I can actually rest and do my “get better thing.” This is only my process of course (and as my fellow diva Paris says, “Every heiress has to stay somewhat mysterious… if you don’t have secrets, make people think you do.” Being an open book is not cute). Some of you may love drama, in which case make things sound as scary as possible, but be prepared to diffuse a lot of rumor bombs and deal with people who treat you like creepy, catchy glass after.

8. Be selfish:
This may sound like it’s counteracting #1 (be polite) but you can do both! What I mean by this is- Let yourself be sick. Take the time to heal, and properly recover in style. If you don’t want people to visit you, it’s ok to say that. People usually feel like they don’t know what to do when you’re in the hospital, so if it means waiting for you to be out and taking you for coffee when you’ve got nothing to do, tell them that. If you don’t feel up to entertaining people in your hospital room and would rather watch “What Not to Wear” through half opened unshadowed eyelids, SAY THAT.

Use your silly little nurse call bell if you need help with something, that’s what it’s there for. You’re not being annoying… you’re SICK.

This also applies to when you are home, but still not feeling up to par. If you try to throw yourself back into your fantastic life at the pace you had before without actually letting your body recover, you will crash and burn, and that is not fabulous. Rest, sleep in, drink tea, watch lots of reality television, take hot showers and sleep after. Email all the people you answer to, and explain you are still recovering so you can skip things, guilt free.

You’ll know when you are ready to start taking things on again because you will begin getting bored. Divas can only be down for so long and friend and family online sales only last for so many weeks…
Give yourself the proper pampering, get a good night’s sleep, and perhaps a new NARS lipgloss (or three) and begin getting back into the swing of things. Before you know it, you will be back on a plane, overcommitted, wishing for a real vacation.

And best of luck. Just know, CSHN divas, you are not alone, and all the other sisters support you in your quest for staying well and being fabulous.
xoxo

2010-11-03T19:08:00.007-04:00

Post hospital Update:

So here I am, about two weeks later, on my road back to fabulous, which is not actually as easy as it sounds.

Surely, it has been a bit enjoyable when I am feeling fairly decent to lounge in bed with my cat, watching the entire series of Cashmere Mafia on Netflix instant view (why, oh why do they cancel every show I end up loving!?!? What ever happened!?!?) but it has simply grown old feeling dizzy and nauseous and not being able to flit around as I had gotten accustomed to doing as I was on such a roll being a work-a-holic. And I think the hardest part is that it gets lonely.
There is a big misconception that once one is out of the hospital that everything is “better,” and I’m simply up and about again. Quite contrary. Most people still would’ve been inpatient for the duration of their IV antibiotics, but because we are good at what we do, they let me go home, it’s not because I’m “better.” So the novelty wears off for most people.Plus, not only did I miss my epic week in DC, but I missed Halloween, which is literally the first time in my entire life that this has happened. Never mind the fact I don't even remember the last time I went so long without leaving the house.

Finally, yesterday, I put real clothes on for the first time in 2 weeks, and broke out of the house to vote (gah, more on that when I have regained some emotional strength) and celebrate Red Cup day, showing my Starbucks crew that I am indeed still alive...
Thus, before I launch into the part 2 of this blog, which will be posted soon, I’d like to give shout outs to the people who stuck with me even though my reports didn’t change beyond I feel crappy, and “I’m sick of being miserable.”

Allie (who the following blog is mostly dedicated to)
Shannon- for fighting over who’s sicker, everyone I work with/for for making sure I actually could rest without feeling guilty for the first time like… ever.

Ashleigh- for encouraging my shopaholic and being my on call Sephora consultant.
My parents of course- for listening to me walk around the house groaning and whining for no particular reason without once telling me to shut up and get over it (and for giving me my big girl bed back)
Maisy- for sharing in my stir crazy madness and eating too much candy with me, while watching Halloweentown and Hocus Pocus every time it was on.

J.B. (not Justin Bieber)- for being my on the scene reporter of restoring sanity, and reminding me what I need to hurry up and get back to ☺
and

Taylor Swift for providing a soundtrack for my week of ultimate diva self pity fest ….

And now here is to another progressive week of rest and "getting better," so that I can be back to what I do, and take off for Houston next week! Stay tuned for the follow up blog from my epic hospital stay....

2010-10-05T23:00:00.001-04:00

I made it to October! Video Blog!!!
Check it out! :)

2010-09-21T14:02:00.006-04:00

If You Don't Like It- GO HOME.

Before I get into this entry, let me give a disclaimer. I (clearly) do not have any affiliation with the military. I'm not even a fan of war. What I do know, is that for people who are involved in military services, it is so important to them, and I have endless respect for the people who go and fight for our rights and our country. It is with all of that love and respect, no matter your political views, that I write this entry.

Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity and privilege to go see the fabulous Lady Gaga speak at a rally. Politically, I must say my rally days have been pretty minimal, but not nonexistent. I went to the University of Maine at Farmington and was the "token straight girl" among

my friends, which I later just proudly adopted as straight ally. During the No on 1 days, the FIRST time around, I briefly attended a rally, made the front page of the paper, and joked that my activism days were over.

Little did I know.

Since then, things have been mostly healthcare related, and there was Obama fest which was very rally-esque, and was such a rush and a huge shot in the arm to why I do what I do, and that I am actually sort of adopting the title of "activist" even though I was so opposed to it early on.

So, Sunday night, I read on twitter by the Gaga herself, that she was going to be in Portland the following day to speak about the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. Why Portland? that's random....

It is and it isn't. Our lovely Senators are two of the "moderate Republicans" who are often ones that not so much need to be swayed, but are the ones that could ultimately make a difference in a vote (which, frankly- I think is pretty cool) It is the same reason that Obama came, during the high times of the health reform voting. I think at this rate, they may this up, since it means Maine is finally getting some media love! I'm ok with it.

Since my mom is awesome (and a bit of an old hippie herself) she agreed that we could go to the rally.

And. It was. Amazing. Not just because of the appearance of Lady Gaga, who gave an incredible speech, but because of the entire vibe and atmosphere of so many people just striving for that unreachable, Prime Rib we call Equality. Journey played, we laughed, we sang together, we made friends, we talked about Glee. Just in meeting the people surrounding me in that crowd, and thinking of so many people I love that this could affect it just really hit me hard.

Before Gaga spoke, there were other people who had previously served in the military and were discharged because of their sexuality. It just seems so ridiculous to me. As Lady Gaga said, "Doesn't it seem like we're sending the wrong person home? We're sending home the one who does NOTHING wrong, and keeping the person who has hate in their heart instead of commitment and courage like there is supposed to be." And she has a completely valid point.

But as I thought about it. It's always that way. When a child is teased in school for whatever reason, the reaction of the guidance counselor is, "send them to a private school." WHY? Why does the innocent have to leave the environment!?!?!!? Why can't we have consequences for the people with the hate. Why can't we just build tolerance or even ACCEPTANCE?

It seems backwards to me, and I would support the new law Lady Gaga proposed called, "If you don't like it, Go Home." If you're the person who is distracted by what someone does in their private life, and THAT takes away from your ability to serve your country, then maybe that is the person who should step down.

As I'm watching the debate....(on whether to debate...) in another window, I am so proud of our Senator Susan Collins who got up and spoke on these exact points, and saying how much money is wasted on training and replacing these perfectly capable soldiers that are discharged, and that it is not about certain traits you have pertaining to your personal life but can you do the job. We are focusing on the wrong things, once again.

And as for Lady Gaga, well, yes, she has been a controversial artist to some people, but the fact that she took the time to come and speak about something so important, I think is awesome. Who is to say why someone is passionate about a cause. People listen to celebrities. Be as nonconformist as you want, but it's true, so why can't we let those people carry our causes if they so choose? We complain when people are famous and have endless amount of financial resources and do nothing with it.... and then.... we complain when they do? Come on people...

Gaga wasn't even there as Lady Gaga yesterday, she was there as a US citizen, and a person who believes in a cause? So why not? It wasn't just about her, it was about all of those people who fought, who care, and who just want the right and opportunity to take whatever life path they choose.

So yes, I'll say it again, yesterday, standing in that sunshine, singing journey and cheering til my voice was gone, I was proud to be a holder of Maine values. And I will continue to fight for the prime rib that is equality- ALL TYPES OF EQUALITY.

Because... I am tired, of getting by on chicken nuggets and Boca burgers.

Here is a video I took of the day, and also a video of her entire speech, so you can form your own opinions! Love it or hate it, it was pretty cool to be there!

2010-09-16T13:42:00.007-04:00

FALL FLASHBACK.

As I said in my last post, Fall never fails to make me nostalgic. For 16 years of our lives we are victims of the "Back to school" hysteria, with whatever emotions that may bring for you- then.... bam. It's done.

I'm over the stress it used to cause me, but now it's just sort of this void of all the things that used to happen at this time of year. The little things that you take for granted, just the small things that get you through the day during the first few months of classes but when they're gone, it's so different.

And yet, as I read through older fall entries, it feels like it just yesterday.

So to bask in my moment of Fall Nostalgia, and then to send it on it's way and get stuff done in the present. I present a list (cause I love lists....)

Things I miss about college:

* Being able to walk to Dunkin' Donuts (usually in my pj's) or the "Latte Landing" (I'm still not over the fact they never had lattes) to do work when I just couldn't be in my room anymore. Heck being able to walk anywhere. the bar, peoples' apartments. Having the whole town at our fingertips and not spending a cent on gas (not that I drove... but I digress)
* MEAL POINTS! Scan a card = all you can eat! Caesar Wrap day anybody? Or our late night ventures for curly fries in the snack bar... all with just the swipe of an ID. Delish.
* Breaks! Pounding the pavement, nose to the grindstone working so hard to get everything done so you can leave for a few days and see everyone you miss from "home" and then not wanting to go back.... and remembering why I actually are ok with going back when you get there.
And of course finals week was one of those things that I think actually prepares you for the real world. Grant reviews, presentations, conferences.... there's always that crunch time where you just get a double latte and play "finals week" and I get a satisfying little reminder I still have it in me!
* Witty "Beaver Pride" Tshirts. Enough said.
* My writers :)

And I think one of the best- every single person I cared about and how we would sit around talking about how much we hated every part of it, and how- here we are almost four years later talking about what we miss, while completely recognizing, we're not the same people we were back then. And you just can't go back. But it's fun to remember.

Here's to the class of 2007, and those I've reconnected with in my new "grown up life!"

GO BEAVERS.

2010-09-06T23:31:00.010-04:00

"This is a song about weddings....and LL Bean..."

-Joshua Radin

Anyone who knows me well, knows that the end of summer is not something I like to talk about. Or think about, or acknowledge, let alone celebrate. I just quietly switch from shorts to jeans, wear hoodies a little more often, and try to keep my tan as long as possible- all the while acting like nothing really was changing.

For a long time, the end of summer was unspoken because it meant I had to go back to school, which was hard. I had to leave the people that supported me and made me truly feel happy, and go back to a town where I forced myself to fit in, had few people I could really trust, and spent cold nights alone. Granted, the semesters got better and better, but only recently have I reached the pointwhere the smell of a fall evening doesn't give me a tough knot in my stomach.
but here I am. holding my head high as we wave out Summer 2010. I am learning to embrace Memorial Day, and Labor Day, as more than just fake holidays where people don't work, but as the seasonal bookends to that time of year when my heart is happiest.
Memorial Day 2010 was a pretty fantastic kick off, as we had our entire family together, and I got to ring in being 25, and this Labor Day weekend, has been a quieter sort of fantastic as well.

Friday night was spent at a birthday party for one of my "faux little sisters" who used to live next door to us. We're not really related, but I remember the days both she and her sister were born, so may as well be right? There were 12 or so little girls from ages 6-8 and they made pizzas, and played games outside, and watched the birthday girl open presents. I sort of just drifted about in a cloud of nostalgia, realizing I don't even know what the "cool toys" are any more. (Does anybody understand the zhu zhu pet hype??? ....anybody? I thought we were still on Webkinz!) At the end of the night the "grown ups" had a glass of wine, and I just completely caved as Gracie ran over to show me her newest color of nail polish, and the body glitter one of her friends had given her. I asked to see it, and rolled the scented body glitter all over my shoulders, just as I would've done for a dance in 7th grade. Then to end the night we all picked a pack of silly bands and went on our way. All in all a successful Friday night. And a conclusion that body glitter should probably make a comeback (although- it really only grows up into "dry oil shimmer spray" but please, all girls love to sparkle)
Saturday was the star of the weekend though
We were a little worried for awhile with the impending "hurricane Earl," and like any good over reacting Mainers, my family was stocked up on water, canned goods, and was ready to batten down the hatches. I predicted, that much like every other big weather event we get our hopes up for, it would be anticlimactic, and if anything happened, it would rain enough to ruin our plans, and that would be that.

And although I had secretly prepared myself for a quiet rainy day of putting away a months' worth of laundry and staying in bed to watch my weekend dose of Reality TV, I was quickly excited to see that Saturday morning proved to be absolutely perfect! Sunny, with just the lightest breeze (ok maybe it was a little windy) and the sister and I were off to the madness of the outlets on Labor Day weekend, and to see a free concert of: JOSHUA RADIN!!!!!!!!

Joshua Radin is sort of an unknown name to most. He sneaks in places like the movie Post Grad's soundtrack, or the soundtrack on Grey's Anatomy. Just little places, enough to stomp on your heart, and make you cry tears of joy and hopelessness all at the same time. But for me, I knew more of him.
I first discovered JR the summer after I graduated college, before my life had really taken off, and there were some remnants of the past just hanging on by a summer thread.

It was this song.

I began to find more and more of his stuff, and he took up most of my "sleepy time" playlist. Literally, every night, his voice would calm my ridiculous, overanalytical mind, and I'd drift off. He was with me when I spent the early nights alone in the giant house in Auburn, when I was searching for purpose in Gray, and he always makes an appearance on my ipod when I need to crash on a plane before getting to Who Knows Where.
One of his more upbeat songs, that I'll end with, has also been made into an alarm that frequently wakes me up when I need to wake up on the right side of the bed...

So Maisy and I met up with some friends for lunch at Sam's, snagged some amazing deals at the Abercrombie outlet (don't hate) had a round of pregaming at Starbucks with the necessary girl talk, and finally parked our camp chairs on the LL Bean lawn to wait for the show to begin.

It was a very chill vibe, and with the exception of a few obnoxious teeny bopper girls shrieking, the group was well behaved and downright quiet and peaceful. I sort of couldn't believe we had such an opportunity for free! We sat there under the stars, and listened to him sing, and tell stories about every song (most of which were about ex-girlfriends.... and yet... who would leave THAT!?!?!?!... although- he's a musician, and probably either overemotional, or apathetic...or a Sagittarius.... but I digress) and it was just so perfect. I was reminded of the power of live music, and how there is something about the thump of bass that you can just feel deep in your heart and it makes you feel alive. ....and why I tend to have a thing for musicians....

He sang a few favorites, including Closer, but nothing too emo, and he was actually so freaking funny, he didn't really give us a chance to get into a slump, which was good too. He did some new stuff too, which had never been performed live before, and his new album comes out on October 12 so that went on the Ical.

It was over way too soon, and Mais and I hit Starbucks one more time and wandered the town to unwind before heading back home, and admitting to ourselves that summer really was over. But with that performance, and seeing the man live who has seen me through so much without even knowing it (ew that sounds cheesy right?) It just felt good. It was a good night.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing more shopping, relaxing, and clocking in a few more hours at the pool before it's covered with snow again. It was pretty perfect.

So there you have it. Mal v. 2010, is ready to bid this amazing summer farewell, and ring in the fall.

I'll let Mr. Radin kick it off for us, cause well... I couldn't say it better myself.

Happy Labor Day.

xoxox

2010-08-28T12:31:00.005-04:00

Apparently my blog celebrated it's 5th birthday back in June of this year! Usually I have found nothing good comes from reading stuff from the past, but since this blog is for public viewing I actually found myself laughing, more than resorting to the feelings of PTSD. So yay, happy birthday Bloggy, may you continue to join me in my growth and professional evolution, and silly ramblings on the interwebz!

Beyond that, there isn't too much to update. I'm feeling really good overall. Last week, I got to spend some time in Boston, which was nice. I didn't realize how much I missed cities, but my heart just swelled when it remembered what it felt like to be there. I was there for two days of block grant reviews, which is a lot of work, and meant that before we went, I had to read 2 125+ documents about how federal money is going to be spent on activities and programs for the Maternal Child Health populations (some background info- maybe some day people will understand what I actually do:http://mchb.hrsa.gov/about/default.htm). So I was there as a staff member to answer questions about Maine's grant and talk about all the work I'm doing with our YAC and all that good stuff. then the next day I was a secondary reviewer for Connecticut's, which was a great experience, and the education was definitely worth all the reading. It actually made my brain realize it is still functioning and maybe could handle school again in the near future.

That was the work part of it, but obviously- since Boston is one of those places where I sort of have more friends than in the state in which I actually reside, I made sure to make the most of my evenings as well. When we first got there, my mother realized she had forgotten her clothes for the Maine grant day..... and said, "Well I guess I'll just have to buy something!" I GUESS SO.
One rainy adventure later, we had attacked Marshall's and she had an outfit and I had an amazingly discounted Juicy Couture hoodie. All was well with the world. Except for that we were soaked to the bone because the entire time we were there it was a norEaster. Finally,after we gave up on hailing a cab, which apparently is not as simple as it is in NYC? We took the T back to our hotel and hung our clothes to dry while I tried to transform from drowned sewer rat to dinner at the Millennium Hotel fabulous.
I prevailed, and met up with one of my Creative Writing BFA sisters who I have not seen since 2007 when we graduated. We instantly fell back in love, and enjoyed a night of truffle mac and cheese, cucumber tinis, and flirting with a waiter who was a fan of Jersey Shore, and had a useless degree just like us! It was so re-energizing and reminded me how good it is to have girlfriends. It was straight out of Sex & the City wonderful.

After the actual grant review day, which went really well after I finally dried out, I spent the afternoon just lounging in the hotel, being in rainy day mode, and overanalyzing everything in my life. Too bad that doesn't pay, right?Then we went down to the lobby bar for a quick dinner, and I waited for my love Shannon to get there. Which, eventually, she did, and we had a hugely conspicuous reunion since we haven't seen each other since the Miami adventure of 2009. Once again we laughed way too hard, talked about how old we had become, and officially began the countdown to VEGAS.

That's right....
I got invited by Family Ties of Nevada (who I presented for virtually, last winter, because weather in DC ruined my flight to Reno) to present at their transition conference in LAS VEGAS BABY.
Safe to say I'm a little excited.

Of course, there's quite a bit of stuff to look forward to before then, including a potential trip back to my city of NYC, because a) ELF is coming to Broadway (yes, THAT Elf....), b) my entire family has reached consensus that it's been too long, and c) I feel like I have been cheating on it with DC, but luckily my cities are not fans of monogamy, so I'm pretty sure NY won't hold it against me.

So there you have it. Life is good, I'm refusing to think about that thing called fall right now, and enjoying the last few days of my favorite season.

Tonight I get to see even more writers that I graduated with and have not seen in way too long! It should be an interesting night! There will be pictures. Watch out Portland, UMF writers comin' at ya!

xoxo

2010-08-15T21:00:00.008-04:00

"Ruin is the Road to Transformation"

I always put off writing these…

I don’t know if it’s because it just seems more and more overwhelming with the amount of time that goes by, or that sometimes things just don’t seem deep or inspiring enough to commit to clicking the “publish” button. Either way, I hereby pledge to stop making excuses and just write when I feel the urge (I still write… just not here!) If it bores you… don’t read it! Simple enough.

Judging by the old saying, “teach what you know,” I guess it really isn’t much of a surprise that I work in the field of transition.

I have totally accepted and embraced the fact that we’re all in an ongoing state of transition. Like learning, I like to say, “When you’ve stopped transitioning…you’re dead”

To jump right into it- I moved again. For various reasons that come with living on grant employment, the last few months were really tough. Really tough. A sort of tough that I have not felt since college. It was sickeningly familiar, which made it even worse. I knew, and kept

telling myself it would get better, but there were definitely days when it felt like it wouldn’t. I started to get in a slump where I felt lonely, trapped, and just in one of those, “Why am I even doing this?” modes, when the frustrating experiences, including trying to advocate for my own health needs on top of advocating on behalf of everyone else, just seemed to outweigh the empowering, energizing moments.

Then someone said something to me that was one of the biggest a-ha moments I have had in a long time. It was one I had come to before, but for some reason I needed it in another context for it to finally take. “It’s better to be [one of those people you complain about] a small town Maine girl, who got married at 18, has never left the state and content at the local bar then to know there’s so much more out there and believe you are destined for it, but not do anything to get it, and just sit watching life go by.”

After being initially knocked off guard that my pity party had been so drastically interrup

ted, I realized it was true. Sure, I’ve had a lot of opportunities come my way, but to keep moving forward I can’t just sit refreshing my inbox, waiting for things to fall in my lap.

Finally, when things had gotten about as bad as they were going to, I realized it was time to take charge and start building back up again. I knew I needed to move back home, and I’m lucky I was able to. I swallowed my pride, and left a town I had never grown attached to as hard as I tried, and after yet another U-Haul rental, some pizza and beer for the people who helped, and a lot of organizing and packing/unpacking, I get to spend the last month of summer 2010 with my family, and sleep with my kitty again.

Beyond all of this however, my work life didn’t stop. One thing about this work is that even when the funding stops, the work doesn’t. And somehow- we have to just keep going. As I waited for the giant 8 ball that was my professional life to tell me what I would be doing in the coming months, I attended a two-day meeting in DC.

The meeting itself was an interesting experience, but beyond that,

the trip was yet another turning point for me (yea… I know- let’s rename this blog “Mal’s turning points in DC” shall we?) Not only was it the first time I flew home by myself (fantastic might I add) but also I somehow ended up in a pseudo suite, with a king sized bed, and a balcony overlooking the Potomac River.

So there I am, standing on my balcony, with the summer breeze tickling my face, thinking how my life could not be anymore ironic if it tried. I had just used a credit card to buy a magazine for my flight home to small town Maine, and here I am, not knowing where my life is even going to be in the next month, and I’m on a hotel balcony in DC. My only conclusion was that,if that was rock bottom, then damn. I’m a lucky girl. Stuck between rock bottom, and “I have

arrived…”

And I know that I am lucky, but it does keep coming back to me in different forms. Another thing I have realized is that while I may not have the same group of best friends who I can immediately meet up with at Applebee’s in a pinch I have some amazing people in my support network, and a wealth of knowledge and experience that you can’t even really pay for. Not many people have stayed up talking about Broadway shows with someone who was on tour with Miss Britney Spears herself. My Iphone is a treasure trove of not only connections, but also amazing people who serve as friends, safety nets and an undying support system. It’s pretty crazy to even think about. Want some connections on Broadway- check. Need help looking into programs at Harvard or Yale? Check. A place to stay in L/A. Check. Of course it’s weird to

think that if I were home on a Friday night in Boston or DC I wouldn’t have to be alone as often as I am, like in the place that I actually live, but for now it works, and I have people to see wherever I end up in this crazy country of ours!

As the living situation falls into place for now, until I decide where I want to be for more than eight months, my professional life is slowly settling into an exciting rhythm of energy as well! I am now a proud employee of the NEW Got Transition National Center [for Healthcare Transition]. We have an incredible team, who truly share in the vision of involving young people, and changing the system for the better.

I’m really excited for a new beginning, and with that I have also made a vow to myself, to not take anything for granted. 25 is too young to be jaded and to start being “over” traveling all the amazing places I get to go. Recently I was in Albuquerque, and was so taken aback by the view as we flew over the mountains I remembered how I used to feel every time we took off, whether it was just the one-hour flight to DCA, or all the way to LAX, and that is how I want to look at everything I do. Yea, it’s hard. But it’s also fun and exciting and I’m damn lucky to be doing it! If we, as the “young leaders” are already getting tired of this game, then we really are in trouble.

So that’s where I’m at right now. I’ve fallen; I’ve gotten up, brushed myself off and showed a good number of people, that I’m not going anywhere any time soon. I was told once that my professional mantra aligns with the energy I bring to the sometimes monotone vibe of what we do, and does indeed make me the “cheerleader” whether there are several thousand others or not. So to this next chapter of my life, both home and professional, all I have to say is, “BRING IT!”

2010-04-02T01:10:00.001-04:00

You Barack My World!

So, one would think I would be in bed by now. and I should be. of course. But I'm not quite ready for today to be over.

First of all, it was absolutely amazing weather here, which is perfect because it literally had rained all week, until today, and even was overcast until we got there basically. It was the perfect weather to be standing/sitting in line for about 4 hours with like-minded people, sharing snacks and getting a tan you didn't have to pay for!

By late afternoon it was sort of like a parade or street fair for the political. Reps were there, chatting, people were handing out balloons and pamphlets, and people were getting so fired up. We were told if somebody from "the opposing team" showed up, or we felt there was negativity just keep the peace and start chanting Yes We Can (which we spent a good portion of the time doing anyway)

Around 12:30, as we were told, they did show up. A good number of "tea partyists? Tea baggers?" I don't know. neither term sounds pleasant. But it was very intense as it built up to going in, with them on one side, us on the other, and secret service men between us. But finally we crossed through the barricade, and it was a surge of energy I can’t quite explain, moving forward even with so many shouting against us. We held strong with our golden ticket, to get to what we all came there to see :)

It was actually pretty smooth how quickly they got everyone in and seated (although only about half the people were able to sit... we were like "um hi, Mal can't stand in that crowd, she'll get injured. And need health insurance. Counterproductive." So we actually landed pretty decent seats on the bleachers, which were the "accessible" seats.... really? Bleachers, accessible? I didn’t think that made the most sense, as I saw many disabled and elderly people struggle with climbing the narrow stairs and finding seats on the bleachers. The seats worked for us and we were lucky, because couple hundred with tickets didn't even get in!

The program began (I keep calling it a show… you can’t teach a Broadway dog new tricks) with the Pledge of Allegiance (which I couldn't say due to the lump in my throat the size of my fist... my sister said she never said it during her time at her last school.... but today I heard her say it like her life depended on it), subpar performance of the National Anthem, then…HE WAS THERE. In the same room, in his white shirt and tie, jacket off, sleeves rolled up.

I have heard a lot of speeches of his, but this was specifically for the Maine people. And oh my god, was he funny. He talked about the values of Maine, and how they're real and how it's people like us who take those values of hard work and determination and bring them to Washington... and I got a little pheklempt and was like "well hey. He's talkin' about me."

He took pieces of the healthcare bill and attributed each to a story he had heard from people in Maine, one of which was from one of our very own family leaders, so that was pretty exciting, and it just solidified how real this change was, that he was mentioning people we not only know, but work with, and have been sharing in the journey with.

He explained a lot, answering some questions about the bill itself, made us laugh, made us cry, and it was all over way too soon. But at the end, instead of the hokey patriotic music they play when you're watching it online and he finishes, they blasted Brookes & Dunn- Only in America (country music... which I have a love hate relationship with because it represents everything that is Maine) but it was PERFECT. I have never loved a country song so much. Then was Beautiful Day by U2, which was not only perfectly appropriate, but has been with me in so many other chapters of my life, it just made sense that it was there in that moment. Then came Bruce Springsteen, and it was like we had just gotten free tickets to the best. concert. EVER.

As we were leaving, my sister said, "I needed that so much, you don't even know. I'm inspired." I think I’m going to have an advocate in training by my side. :)
As the music finished, my mom turned to me with tears in her eyes and said. "This is what it's all about! This is the change we've been trying for in all of this." I grabbed her hands and said, "YES!! THIS IS IT!!! DO YOU GET IT NOW? DO YOU SEE WHAT HAS GOTTEN ME THROUGH THESE PAST FEW WEEKS? WE'RE LIVING THE CHANGE." In that moment, they GOT IT.
And for me I think, this was my turning point in the fact that I know I am meant to keep truckin' in this world, and I'm pumped to do it. And something that NOBODY else could do.... that silly president of ours made me PROUD to be from Maine! (I’m only just beginning to admit it... and I'll still leave) But we have a lot of good here (besides the corny lobster t-shirts). We do have our own unique work ethic, and people take care of each other. With all those other people, from Maine, amazed at what we have achieved I was proud, and excited. It was the weirdest thing. I will be one of those people who will bring those values to Washington, but for now, I can nurture them here, and I will keep coming back. I think a part of me will always be a small town girl- and suddenly, I’m ok with that.
As Barack once said, "It is easy to get caught up in the cynicism of what is possible in this country,” but today, sitting there, waving signs with people who share the vision of hope, and seeing Americans of all ages (including the youngest ones who don't even yet know what the word insurance means, but know that they are spending a day with people they love seeing something really big), all generations come together to celebrate victories we HAVE made... today, it was a little hard to be bitter and discouraged.
Not that we don't all get in that place, because it's normal, and I'm sure Obama has days where he goes "Why did I choose to do all this? I'm just one man!!! I want to go home and watch the game!!!"

But he gets up again and does it all the next day and remembers why he does it, and still maintains the energy to fire up every state in this country.
That is amazing!
He gives me hope that, among other things, you and I can go on in ruling Mal world, and maybe even make a difference along the way doing it.

The Speech

Only in America

2010-03-31T17:25:00.006-04:00

Yes We Can

The President, my dear, inspiration, Barack(y) Obama, is speaking in my home state tomorrow. Well, I read this on Twitter I believe, and immediately googled, and called my representatives' office (duh, they're my peeps now) and got the dish. It's tomorrow. BUT WHERE? AND HOW CAN I BE THERE!?!?! more googling...and I found my answer!

DUH. GO STAND IN THE RAIN IN PORTLAND FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE...AND YOU CAN ATTEND.

SO GUESS WHAT I DID?

I guess some people camped out the night before... but I am not that insane, and getting there two hours before they opened the door was a fair compromise between my dad and I, who is a super champ and braved it with me so I would not have to go alone.
They made the official announcement with all the details on the news last night, and I forced myself to go to bed "early," which then led to finishing Michelle (the other woman) Obama's biography, being even more FIRED UP & READY TO GO and not falling asleep... being like a kid on Christmas Eve, waking up at 3 then finally flying out of bed with the first note of my Taylor Swift alarm. 7 a.m. gross, cold, rainy, and FIRED UP. I cooked myself a delicious breakfast and rocked out to my Yes We Can playlist, and here is what ensued....

Now I know some people "don't get it." And "Aren't into politics." Because, a little over a year ago, that was me. And I would've laughed at people for standing in the rain to see psh... the president. Who cares?
But... I've become a part of it. When I sat on that sunny afternoon, all by myself, with nothing but the capitol building in view, I felt something shift inside me. It mattered now.

When he signed that bill on March 21, 2010, he told stories of everyone who had come to him with their struggles in the "System" and all the stories off all the "youth" and families I work with came flooding back to me and I lost it. I put down my bagel and just let myself cry. It was more than hearing sad stories, but it was feeling that my own was coming to an end.
As he signed that bill with the 22 pens, it was the first time I felt, and SAW visible change, for all the work we have been doing. All those times when we fly home, or have a long meeting and ask each other, "Why do we do this?" Well. THIS is why. Change is starting.
Not just is he an amazing public speaker, who doesn't use note cards and scribbles notes in the margins, and never fails to give me goosebumps, but he is the first person to really reach out to the REAL PEOPLE in this world, as a REAL PERSON and make real change. He rolls up his sleeves when he gives speeches, he shouts back to the people who yell in the audience. He smiles, he laughs, he drinks Bud Light (not while giving speeches... obviously). He is for the people.

And as I stood in that rainy line, I was one of those people. It was the perfect image of the quote he says in my favorite speech, "we are not a collection of red states and blue states. We are the United States of America." All these people had different jobs, were different ages, and came from different places, but we all made the decision to stand in that line in the rain, and climb that hill to see OUR president.

At one point, we were worried we would not get tickets, or that we were too far back in line, and one of the older ladies I was standing with said, "I'm getting discouraged."
And I switched into cheerleader mode and said, "Um no. We will NOT be discouraged. I did not come here to be discouraged!" Hope is not blind optimism! (not that it was relevant at that moment but it was the first quote that popped into mind) and shortly after I heard someone else yell out from farther back in line, "YES WE CAN!!!!"
And we trudged on, with me being the optimist I have grown to remember I am, and one of the feisty ladies looked at me and said, "you're neat!" I smiled and just said, "thanks!"

Finally, we made it to the doors, and after two hours, and being soggy and chilled to the bone. I had the tickets in my hand. I get to see my biggest inspiration speak about why we do what we do, and what it's all about.

and I AM FIRED UP, READY TO GO!!!!

Also- for anyone interested, here is the download of my Yes We Can playlist I keep referencing. If it doesn't fire you up... you may be dead. Check your pulse: http://www.sendspace.com/file/yjcqms

2010-02-02T22:55:00.007-05:00

Life is a Highway

January 28, 2010 is a day that will live in infamy.

I got my driver’s license. As all of my close friends know, and maybe even some of my online followers/friends at this point, know, this is a HUGE deal.

I am completely excited to have such independence. No more going six days at a time without leaving the house, or waiting until we only have ramen and coffee mate to go grocery shopping, or not having any time by myself to just get away. I can see my friends without making them come all the way out and bring me home. Even though I owe people about three years of being the DD, it is so completely worth it.

It’s been an ongoing process for about 8 years. My sister, who is 16 now, will probably be getting her license shortly too…and I started when I was her age.

Let me back up a little…

I signed up for Driver’s Ed when I was fifteen (the age of driver’s ed.) I wanted to take it with all my peers even though at this time I didn’t have a car. I knew that this would make it challenging for me to get “my hours” in on the road, but after talking to the school they told me to enroll and we would “get the ball rolling.” There was no ball. It did not roll. It came to a screeching halt. Halfway through the class portion, the teacher took me out to sit in her car to “assess” what I might need for adaptations. As one would predict, my legs came to about the end of the driver’s seat and I couldn’t see over the steering wheel.

“Hmm, yea that’s going to be tricky.” She said. And class continued.

After doing some research completely on our own, we located an adaptive driving instructor out of Scarborough (which was a bit out of the way from our house, but we didn’t know what else to do). We were able to hire him, with the help of Voc Rehab and I was able to get my driving hours with him enough to complete driver’s Ed and get my permit!

Hooray!!! One step closer! I was so excited! I bought a purple stuffed Grateful Dead bear to celebrate. I have no idea why I remember that. But he was so cuddly!

After that the goal was to get something I could drive so that I could feel comfortable and take my road test.

At one point there was a scary van that we knew I wouldn’t be able to drive, but we needed something to transport my scooter, so this was already the second scooter van in the picture.

In order to get any adaptations you have to get an “evaluation” to determine what you need, and can use safely, which, duh, makes sense. However, my evaluation seemed to not even really evaluate anything. Once again I sat in a car in which I could not see over the steering wheel, and the hand controls I was supposed to be using were too hard for me to use, so I never even accelerated. I coasted along in a graveyard for about ten minutes. But apparently they saw all they needed to see.

We went inside, and the evaluator explained something about I had issues with the strength in my arms, and it made the most sense that I have hand controls. Really? Read that out loud and tell me how that makes the most sense? I spoke up and inquired about something called pedal extensions, which I had heard of, and figured they must exist! A lot of short people drive!

I was quickly told “they don’t make them that big,” the idea was brushed aside, and hand controls it was.

In addition to hand controls, I ended up with a smaller steering wheel, a remote ramp (which was essential for transporting my scooter which I needed to attend school), and voice command controls off of the steering wheel. Now that concept sounds really cool, like you would say, “Turn on the radio” and it would, but it wasn’t like that at all. Instead, there were two buttons and each button had a list of commands such as “horn, left blinker, right blinker,” etc. and the driver would then have to memorize which button had which commands and when it would be aid (which I don’t think I ever even did)

Maybe for some people this system works, but in most cases, and in mine, it just did not come natural, and certain things like turn signals and horn, when you need them you need them, you can’t be searching for them. Beyond the adaptations, the car itself was possessed by some sort of auto demon. When it would rain the locks would go on and off until the battery died, whether the car was on or not (this also caused the keys to get locked inside it on more than one occasion) and the power steering would just shriek for no good reason and we could never figure out how to turn it off. My parents and the couple of friends who drove this were terrified of it, and because of all the “quirks” it was in the shop more than it was in my driveway. I got pretty comfortable driving, but even when I did, my arms got so tired from the position I needed to drive in I could only get about half way to school.

There was just no way I was going to learn to drive on this thing. I didn’t even want to go near it…Beyond the sheer vanity of not wanting to drive a mini-van, it just wasn’t safe.

In the mean time, my focus was on school, a few years went by and I kept having to renew my permit. I probably have the written test memorized. In case you were wondering- Red means stop.

Fast forward to fall of 2008,

While attending the annual dinner for the Disability Rights Center I met an amazing woman named Sarah who happened to just be an eensy bit shorter than me! And guess what? She had her license! And guess what? She didn’t drive a van, and she had pedal extensions!!!

After the dinner she let me go out and look at her car, and for the first time since this whole debacle began, my feet were on pedals and my hands were on the wheel. It was amazing. She gave me the names of the places she went for her evaluation (which of course was out of state) and the place that did her adaptations.

It was going to happen. It NEEDED to happen.

After concluding I was never going to drive the van, and it really was doing more harm than good, we decided to just start over and let me have a car that I wanted, and that I felt comfortable driving. I was going to have say in this.

First we went for a new evaluation, during which I drove a Honda Element with pedals, and actually turned, and accelerate, and stop at stop signs and get a real driving experience. When it was over it the guy told me confidently that he didn’t see any reason I couldn’t drive with pedal extensions.

We sold the van, to someone who could actually use the adaptations and it was no longer my concern. I was on to look at a car I actually wanted. THE FUN PART. I had looked at cars a little bit online, and one random day when my dad and I were out shopping we went to look. My first choice was the Honda Fit, which were pretty new at this time, but I wanted to check it out. We checked one out and took it for a spin and instantly, I was in love.

It felt RIGHT. Nothing before in my life had ever felt so right. I always read about when people apply to college and how “when you know, you know” and I never had that feeling, about school, or a car or anything. But this. I could see myself in this car.

We continued to shop around, and tried Chevies, and Pontiacs, and even my childhood dream car the VW Beetle, but it just didn’t click. At the same time my parents were looking for a new car and randomly when my parents went to a Honda dealers to look at used SUV’s, I saw a blackberry pearl Honda fit in the lot. I inquired about it, just out of curiosity and the guy told me it was a standard, and it was taken, but they would be getting another shipment within the next week, with an automatic. I knew that was my car.

Sure enough, on June 13^th 2008, my 2008 Honda Fit in Blackberry Pearl came off the assembly line and into my driveway. I was pumped! I wanted to drive this. I wanted to call her mine. Even my sister (who had no desire to drive either until she sat in this car) sat, “Wow Mal she really is you in car form!”

The biggest hold up after this was when the car was getting adapted at the wonderful place called Autotronics. They did an amazing job, and I didn’t care that they had her for so long because I knew it wouldn’t have to go back. They even thought of little things like what I wanted my seat to be covered with, and what would work best for getting in and out. They really wanted me to be comfortable and feel like this was MY CAR, not a mass-produced “adapted vehicle”

Finally when all was said and done, all I had for adaptations were a smaller steering wheel, a customized seat, and pedal extensions. Sometimes simpler really is better.

After my car was finally adapted, the hold up was only on me. I was going through a lot of other transitions, with moving and focusing on work, and then there was health stuff, so there was never a time when I could fully focus on driving. When I was ready I would know.

Finally, there was a time when I was surrounded by negative energy way too much. I had no choice because I couldn’t just up and leave. That was the catalyst for me. I needed freedom. I sent Sarah a facebook message asking who taught her to drive with her adaptations. She sent me the info to the place and after a couple of phone calls, it was set. I took driving lessons from about October, with a great guy who really made me feel comfortable. He stayed with me and even took me out right before my test and gave me all the pointers and made me parallel park for an hour outside the DMV.

When the time came, I felt ready! I sat in the car with the examiner, and he made me show him all the basic steps of my car, like how to use the lights, wipers, etc. then we were off. The test lasted all of 23 minutes, and I really thought I would fail (because I was just prepared to not pass on the first time). After what felt like a blink, we pulled back into the parking lot he said, “well you did great, you passed!” And I just went “What!!!?!? Are you serious!?” I almost burst into tears in my car, but I didn’t. I just thanked him profusely and assured him there would be a lot of excited people because of this road test! I told my parents, then I bought myself a Sam’s Caesar wrap and drove home. It’s still surreal.

Although the whole process was frustrating, it was a learning experience in the world of advocacy like so many other things I’ve been through. I think the biggest thing I learned is that, you always have the right to speak up when things don’t feel right, or if you know it’s not the way for you to be successful. I went for a long time believing that these people knew more than me because I had nothing to compare it to, but I could asked for more information on pedal extensions from the beginning and really tried for what I knew was out there. Another thing that really applies to everything is- persistence is key. I could’ve stopped at driver’s ed and said “this is going to be too hard” or just stopped calling people when they didn’t pick up the first time, but this was what I wanted and I knew I had to stick with it.

But the bottom line is that everything happens for a reason. Truly, looking back, there’s no way I was ready to drive when I was 15. If I had gotten my license earlier, who’s to say I wouldn’t have just up and left when I was unhappy at school? Or that I would have been home on weekends to grow so close to my sister and my family? I think it’s very clear to see that it truly happened when it was meant to, and when I knew it was right. 2010 is my year and I can honestly say that I am a licensed driver, with a renewed confidence and the world at my fingertips. Watch out world!

2010-01-11T19:56:00.004-05:00

Watch out 2010!

So here we are in 2010! How is that even possible? It feels like just yesterday it was all about “the millennium” and we were terrified of whatever the Y2K madness was supposed to be.

Then it was 2003, engraved in our brains to escape the world of small town high school. There had to be so much more out there!

Then…. 2007. Four years as an eager beaver, dying to get out cause….well…..there had to be so much more out there!

Now- three years later, it is 2010 (I will stand firm in my belief of the importance of saying “twenty ten” not “two thousand and ten.” And I write it out with all four digits like I have every year since I’ve been putting the date on my papers. I just believe it should be recognized)

It’s been quite the ride and I have begun to get a taste of all that IS out there. I have struggled for the past week or so trying to nail down my “resolutions, ” but basically they’re the same as last year (like...more than I realized....actually)

(- Read more, facebook less.
- Stay positive, don't let negative people get me down.
- Take care of ME. Pretend it's always summer. pamper accordingly.
- WRITE.
- BLOG.

- Figure out what I want for 2010 and beyond... without stressing myself out to death.)

, since I’m kind of flaky about them, so instead of fencing myself in with resolutions, I’ve read up a little bit on goal setting and decided it’s better to have some broad goals and the mentality to continue moving forward and making the most of every day. Because let’s face it. I’m still going to go on facebook, eat whatever I want and not exercise enough (although I have been better!)

So I welcome the new year with a new sense of confidence (did I mention I got my braces off!?!?!) and a thrill of excitement for not knowing what is to come, but feeling that it is definitely a year of change and anything is possible!

Cheers!

In 2010 I hope to:

Get my driver’s license (I am waiting to hear a new date for my road test!! This is the year!)
Get my passport! (I really want to go to Mexico- Real World Cancun corrupted me! I know it's only a matter of time until I will travel overseas...)
Take the GRE’s and at least know the path I potentially want to take, and where I want to apply for grad school. (The process is huge and intimidating but I’ve neverlet anything stop me up to this point, why should it now?)
Take care of myself, and always feel my best!!!
Spend more time with my friends and make the most of it.

Watch out 2010. I’m ready for ya!

2009-11-07T13:48:00.006-05:00

If That's Movin' Up then Iiiiii'm Movin' Out!

It’s been almost a year since I last updated. That’s inexcusable, but I have been completely busy living, and obviously so much has happened. I have thought a lot about the fact that I abandoned this blog for some time, and trying to think of what to write to get back in the swing (because that is the goal) I know I don’t want to just give a timeline and babble off everything that has happened in the past year, because, not only will that bore everyone to tears, but I probably don’t remember everything, and some of it may just not be worth reminiscing about.

Within the span of the almost year in which I haven’t written, there has been a lot of moving. I moved out of my family’s house, and then a few months later, they moved too! It was very exciting for me to be out on my own-, as I got older the house seemed to be getting smaller, and I just felt that it was time for a change and for me to get some independence back. Of course also had to recognize that it would be a huge transition for me. The last time I had been “on my own” was when I was in college, and that started off as a giant pile of fail (granted- it got better, but a lot of things were learned the hard way). I had begun looking at apartments, mostly in more urban areas, since that was where there was public transportation, and lots of things

to do, since my social life is pretty crucial to my happiness- it’s just who I am. I also recognized that if I lived completely by myself, there would be even more challenges, and I knew I would have to find somebody who could help me, specifically a nurse, since that is what is legally required for my medical care, so I knew that would be a pain, but it was something I was going to have to do eventually.

Mid- house hunt, a friend of mine told me they were going to be buying a home, and were looking for people to move in. This sounded like the perfect opportunity. I could be in a great neighborhood, close to my family, with other people who were always coming and going, so I wouldn’t be alone all the time. I weighed out the pros and cons (there was a lot of list making, as that is how I function in life) and had some frank conversations with my family, and the friend who proposed this idea. I explained to her that it would be a huge transition for me, and because of this I was not sure how long I would be staying, or how it would go. She was very understanding of this, and was excited that I would be moving in.

By February, I had packed up all my things at my parents’ house and couldn’t really stay there any more. My friends had closed on the new house and I was able to move in. There ended up being some family emergency type stuff that happened with my friend, and because nobody else had moved in yet I had the house to myself. It was a good way to get adjusted, and find my way around before there were five other people living there too.

Very, very long story short, I eventually realized this was not as an ideal situation as I had thought it would be. I started to realize that I just wasn’t comfortable in the atmosphere, and my professional and personal life was suffering. I needed an environment I could successfully work from home in, and this just wasn’t it. I definitely wasn’t alone all the time, but it got to the point where I wanted to be. I had no time for reflection. I didn’t write any more, I slept too much and was just making health choices that weren’t the best. Once again it was a big step for me to realize I needed to make a change, knowing it would be yet another transition, and also a huge step that I was putting myself first.

During this process when I discovered I needed to get out, I felt myself going through a severe quarter life crisis (and I’m not even 25…. can’t wait for that one). I was in a rut. I just wanted to quit everything and run away. I wanted to just regress and party all the time and be “carefree” and not worry about policy change on a national level. How come all the other people my age were out going to parties and staying home on the weekends with their boyfriends and girlfriends, and my response was “sorry I can’t I have to go to DC (or Vermont, or Illinois, or California)” It was beginning to feel like too much pressure. What if this wasn’t even what I wanted to do with my life? What difference could I make? I am just one little girl from Maine… surely the “system” can get along just fine without me. I missed school. I missed having people coach me into being productive. I missed writing, and having a place where I could just walk places with friends to get a cup of coffee. I felt like I couldn’t get out of my own way and I just wanted to shut my mind off.

When I made the choice to start taking care of me, I felt a little freer. I even rearranged my budget a little so I could afford on my own to go to therapy. And I’m proud of that fact. It was something I looked forward to. In an environment where my feelings sort of got pushed aside, it was amazing to have someone to talk to, to just listen and give me next steps to move forward and change my way of thinking. She even pushed me into writing more. “This is who you are,” she said to me. “You’re a writer and you need to get back into that.” And I did, and I felt another little piece of myself fall back into place. I don’t think it can every hurt to have someone just to listen. In the big city, you’re nobody until you have a therapist! And I get it now!

She encouraged me to find other ways to put myself first, and when it came time to make the move I knew it was the right thing to do. The exciting part was that living in that house caused two things to happen. The first was that, I had completely connected with one of my roommates, Sarah, and we decided that we could move together, because she was feeling the same way about the environment. The other thing was that, because of this house, my parents were inspired to put their house on the market. It sold in 21 days (which is beyond unheard of in this market) and they found a house they loved and were able to buy it and do the work they wanted to it. I’m so happy for them, and believing that everything truly does happen

for a reason, I know that I lived in that house so that they would move, and do what they all needed. I have seen them all become closer and happier, and I am grateful that they were able to take that step. That was another reason I felt good about leaving the house, it was as though I believed “my work here is done,” as they got more and more settled.

So I hope I have not bored anybody to tears yet, I’m trying to hit on key points, and I promise I’ll be better about updating this!

After looking at a few apartments, Sarah and I found an adorable townhouse apartment. It was the only one we looked at that we could really picture ourselves living in, so we knew it was right. We have been here since Columbus Day, and still have a few boxes to go through, but it already feels like home. It’s been very interesting because we have gone from living at grand central station craziness, to it just being the two of us. Sarah works during the day so I have the house to myself during the day. I have definitely gotten my “time to myself.” But I love it. I have been really taking care of myself. I’ve been eating better, reading and writing more, exercising again, and being able to focus on my work more fully.

I feel like things are really aligning for me at this point. I just got hired as a consultant for KASA (kids as self advocates http://www.fvkasa.org), which is sort of like a promotion of sorts since I was already a co-chair on the board, but now I will be working more one on one with the younger group called the Task Force. I get to help them revise documents (yayyyy editing!!!) and prepare presentations, and do some tech stuff just to assist the project director. I feel really good about it, and some other opportunities are coming up as well. I’m going to be attending the annual conference for the Federation of Families for Children’s Mental Health, which I’m very excited about as well, as I’m starting to believe that is my niche, to bridge the gap between physical and mental health.

Overall, it’s been a time! I’m in a good space right now and am continuing my process of self-discovery, and it’s nice. I can really see each day for what it has to offer and am savoring every opportunity instead of wishing it away. I recommend for everyone to try doing the same.

I’ll leave you with a quote I found recently, that says just that, and the promise to write more often so that we don’t have such epic updates!

(Fall shot of camp....my favorite place for photography!)

*Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake...*-Sir Francis Bacon

2009-01-26T21:16:00.004-05:00

**Don't Waste A Moment Cause You'll Never See it Returned**

( This entry is dedicated to the incredible, impish, life-changing, Paul Newman, who would have turned 84 today)

(view from Point lookout where the winter retreat was held)

I’m pretty exhausted but I need to write before things pick up again, and before I get everything that has happened, and the emotions that go with it all.

I’ve recently been making an effort to participate in some perspective shifting. I decided I really need a better outlook for 2009 and since positive things are happening it hasn’t been too hard, but I still tend to get stressed out and unhappy sometimes (which, I know it’s normal, but in the grand scheme of things… it seems kind of silly). So then fate took things in its hands and went a little further than I planned.
In 24 hours I finished The Last Lecture and saw Wit, which I knew going into it would be very intense. While it was intense, it was brilliant. I read the play in college in my theater class, and for a small local theater with all my friends in it to take on such a piece of work, was so impressive, and made me proud.

I won’t reveal too much, but it is about a poetry professor battling cancer, and her time in the hospital. She is sarcastic and witty to get through everything. There were times I just laughed out loud because the hospital scenarios were SO realistic, and I have actually reacted in similar ways. I wish I could’ve known her.

The same thing applies to Randy Pausch of the Last Lecture. I thought I would cry, but I ended up laughing more. These people both knew they were nearing the ends of their lives, but instead of living in sadness and fear, they lived every moment as if it WAS their last. They spent the time teaching others about the value of life and the things they had learned. Randy spoke about considering how you want to spend each moment and that realizing the importance of each moment is crucial to live happily. Things like that really echoed that I need to live for myself, and not let negativity of others bring me down for an entire day. There is only so much we can control in situations, so we need to seize all of those things we do have control over, and everything else we need to let go of. Whatever is meant to be, will be. It was just such an eye opening, refreshing reminder to truly seize the day with all your might.

I have always been a firm believer of “life is short.” But sometimes it is nice to have a reminder (as crushing as it is that we lost these amazing people). I am so aware of life right now. Everything feels beautiful.

This weekend I went to the Winter Retreat that is put on by the agency I work for, The Maine Support Network. I was unsure how it would go since I was supposed to do a workshop but it got cancelled due to low attendance (a lot did…they had the lowest turnout for the conference because of budget cuts in education). No matter what, I was excited to travel, and it would only be as fulfilling as I made it, so I went with an open mind.

It ended up being a great time and very inspirational. The focus was on autism, and although I don’t have any “students” perse, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I could use what I learned in my own work with youth leaders, and a lot of what we learned could apply to children with any special health need.

One of the speakers was Stephen Shore, who has written several books on autism, and is just brilliant (and funny!) In his presentation he mentioned his autobiography, and a chime went off in my head. “oh hey…I’m writing an autobiography. This is what I want to do!” So after his speech, I bought his book, had him sign it and said “So, you wrote an autobiography! I’m attempting to do the same thing, but it’s challenging… any words of wisdom.”

He thought that was very cool and gave me the best, simplest advice I have received from a writer yet. All advice is valuable, but “well you just got to do it.” Is more vast and overwhelming than helpful. But Stephen said to me, “you have to break it into chapters. Sometimes a story might have to be two chapters, but you just pretend each chapter is a bucket and sort it all out.”
It seemed so simple and so clear! Why do we let things overwhelm us so much? Break it down. Take it one step at a time.

The more I hear people tell their stories, the more I figure out how to tell mine. The vision of my book is getting clearer and clearer. I actually got so inspired at the conference that I wanted to run out of the workshops and just WRITE! Of course it comes at such inopportune times, but that is why I’m writing now, while everything is still fresh….I will get in a habit of making it not such a daunting task.

I have no doubt in my mind it will come together, and it will happen. I feel in every part of my body that it is what I was meant to do. And I know I will.

The other speaker that we had there was Sue Rubin. For the first 13 years of her life, she was unable to communicate, but eventually she discovered the world of facilitated communication and was able to express everything she had absorbed while being unable to communicate. Her story is incredibly inspiring and we also have so much in common! Except….she lives in California.

She made me realize, once again, how incredibly lucky I am, just for even the small thing that I can communicate my thoughts and feelings, and although initially people may think I am younger than I am, I do not have to struggle with society endlessly to prove my intelligence because of my diagnosis. It made me want to communicate even more to tell the stories of those who can not, and speak about all the challenges people face while trying to live successfully, whatever that may mean for them.

It was a little strange to not BE a presenter, but I think it was good for me. I was still able to network, but I also could just sit back and take it all in. Seeing the speakers like Stephen and Sue, really re-emphasized the importance of what we all are doing and made me want to soar forward in the world of advocacy and continue to speak up.
We all have different stories to tell, different expertise to offer, and different diagnoses. But regardless what anyone may say, we have learned a lot in our lives, and

WE ARE ROCKSTARS.

2009-01-07T18:50:00.006-05:00

Here comes 2009

The rest of fall has come and gone. It was a beautiful, simple holiday with a lot of relaxation and family time. A lot of things are changing, but I feel really good about life right now.

I'm sorry I've been kind of abandoning this place for the past couple of months, but I have been very busy with work and life, but I'm back now and one of my resolutions (although in the past I haven't made them) is to Blog more.... so here I am.

I won't go into great depth about the past, but I will present you with my crazy itinerary for the upcoming months! The travel blog will be seeing a lot of me so stay tuned!

It's going to be pretty intense much like last year! And I'm completely pumped!

January:
Northport Maine for the MSN winter retreat.

Staying here: http://www.visitpointlookout.com/accomodations/

February:
AMCHP Conference 2009 in Crystal City, VA

Presenting on involving youth in successful needs assessments

Also- representing KASA at the annual family voices gala. Anything with the word gala in it makes me happy!

Staying here: https://www.marriott.com/hotels/travel/wasdt-washington-marriott-wardman-park/

March:
Visions of Community Conference in Boston

Presenting on Transitioning to adulthood in the healthcare world.

Staying here: http://www.seaportboston.com/Accommodation/Overview.aspx
(oooh flashbacks. Four of us shared a one bed room here when our car got stolen. Fond fond memories. Although it is a sweet hotel!)

WEST SIDE STORY- NYC
Eat, drink and be merry with no other agenda with the bff :-)

April????? There must be something in april…..?

May
ICYCC 09 conference- Ft. Lauderdale, FLORIDA

Presenting on engaging youth in policy change and leadership.

ALSO, MY 24TH BIRTHDAY. oh heeeeey.

Staying here: http://www.icycc2009.com/hotelaccommodation.html
(um, at one of them? Not sure yet. ….hmmm)

June
OLEY 2009- St. Petersburg, FLORIDA
Just attending, being awesome, and enjoying learning and networking. And the beach...some more.

Staying here: http://www.tradewindsresort.com/?PID=

AND THEN ITS SUMMER!!!!!

completely pumped. oh man. watch out 09. Here I come.

The diva is back ♥

2008-10-19T14:27:00.000-04:00

First off- a little shameless exploitation....
A little exciting news. I have been on a self promotion bender as of late, and beyond the blog I went out and bought a domain. One week later, I have gotten it to link to my website. SO- WITHOUT FURTHER ADO- you can now find me at MalloryCyr.com

I'm pretty excited about it! hopefully it will serve it's purpose and make me famous. Riiiight. It's a step in the right direction of being pro-active if nothing else, and is a lot easier to tell people than blablalbla...dot blogspot.com! It has links to all my blogs, and more info about me, and what's going on in my life. I'd love feedback, so if you'd like to see anything else on it, let me know!

-------------------

Besides that- as some of you know (or anyone who doesn't live in a box knows) Last weekend, the sister and I took a spontaneous venture to our beloved city once again.
It was kind of random, and I bought the tickets before I knew how I was getting there, but in the end it all worked out!

Let me back up a little bit-

When my mom was in her one act play about a month ago, Colin called me from NYC where he was seeing In the Heights (he attempted to make me jealous...but really just because he was jealous of my recent events...come on now) He told me there was all kinds of promotion for the opening of Jason Robert Brown's new show, "13," and we needed to see it together.
I had promised Jason's bass player I would make an attempt to see it, so I decided to try to make it happen.

A couple of weeks go by, and I discovered a sample recording of the show, which I then shared with my sister, who in return got addicted to the show as well. I can't really blame her, seeing as how the show is about being a teenager and although we can both relate to the story- it's probably more her show than mine. I then realized I couldn't see it without her, or I would not be allowed to come home. I explained the situation to Colin and we decided to go ahead and look for tickets.
Five Row G discounted tickets later, we had to figure out how to get there.
I attempted to comprehend bus and Amtrak schedules, and even looked at how much it would be to just get a driver to go down so we would be on our own schedule and feel a little safer, but it ended up being more than the tickets to the show, so we decided to forgo that.
In the end, the third person on Colin's end wasn't able to go, so we decided it would make the most sense for me to invite someone and be able to have them drive down.

Enter other BFF- city loving fashionista, Shannon. She agreed to drive down and was almost as excited to get out of the State of Maine as I was. We were good to go.

Of course the anticipation was the worst part, but Maisy and I both just dove into work and made the time go by.
Finally, it was Friday morning- 10/10, 13 day!
Everything went as planned [for once], and we were out the door by 9:30. It was definitely an early morning but nothing a quick stop for Falleriffic Pumpkin Spice lattes at the first rest stop couldn't fix! Divas gotta have their Starbucks.

The drive wasn't actually too bad. The foliage was brilliant, and it was just so wonderful to be getting out, and being able to leave behind everything that was stressing out, even for just a little while. After the mandatory Auntie Anne's pretzel stop and listening to the entire 13 recording once through (it was only released a few days before we left! Exciting!)

We arrived at Colin's apartment in New Haven, piled into yet another car, and headed into the city!

In the meantime, my Blackberry was just about exploding with people who found out I was coming into the city and wanted to see me, or Broadway folks who had already seen the show and were wishing us a good trip! It is so nice to be loved :-)
Maisy and I put out the question of what we were doing for dinner, and nobody had any specific desire to go anywhere so we suggested Ellen's... of course, since they knew we were coming and we just can't possibly go to the city without at least making an appearance there.

Nobody disagreed, so we parked the car, and navigated through Times Square. At this point it still felt completely surreal. I couldn't believe I was back in the city, where nothing else matters except being there, in that moment. Before we knew it we were at the door of Ellen's Stardust Diner and barely had to wait to get a table, even though it was packed, since it was Friday evening at that exact time when everyone is getting dinner before their show.

We ended up upstairs, which was different, and not as thrilling as being on the first level, but it was definitely still enjoyable- and now we can say we have sat up there.
As always, the food was great, and they did all the right songs like they really did know we were going to be there (well, they did..but like they knew what was just RIGHT for that moment). They sang Don't Stop Believing by Journey, and FOOTLOOSE! Come on now... it was too funny. We had an amazing dinner, with delicious drinks, ran into people from Maine who were seeing a show that same night, and it was ironic and lovely.

After eating, we headed over to the theater, which is actually a blur, but we weren't far away at all. As we were approaching the Jacobs Theater, I thought I heard someone say my name.
Lo and behold, there was the FABULOUS Mary-Mitchell Campbell, from our camp affairs. I had dropped her an email a few days before our trip, but figured it was short notice and she wouldn't be able to see us. Then, not only was it a fabulous surprise to see her, she told us where to go to meet the writers and musical director after the show. She was seeing another show, so she had to go on her way, but we went inside and in the process of finding our seats walked right by JRB himself. Of course we didn't figure it out til we were past him, and by then the show was going to start so we all just willed him to stay for the entire performance so we could see him after.

The show, was INCREDIBLE. It was relevant, and powerful in so many ways. I am 99.9% sure that everyone in our group could relate to that show in some way. Some more than others.
It was one of those moments, that was just so perfect. Seeing the perfect show, at the perfect time, with the perfect people. I haven't had one of those moments in so long. I just wanted to hold onto it, or not breathe or blink so that it wouldn't end.

Of course, like all of those moments, it did end, but the night was not over yet. We jumped up from our seats immediately after the curtain call to see if Jason was still there, and because we all had willed him to stay- he was! We got his autograph and chatted for a bit. I told him we were friends of MMC and thanked him for producing such an incredible work.

That show is something that has needed to grace Broadway for some time. In a past MySpace Blog I had said I had hoped something would come along for this generation since RENT is gone. Well- something has. And for that we can thank Jason Robert Brown.

After we talked to him for a bit, we purchased the essential tshirts, and headed to the stage door to meet the cast of amazing, talented kids who also put in the time and commitment to make this show a reality. Now this was incredible too, because Maisy & I of coursed shoved our way to the front a la Les Mis, but when the cast was coming out, they recognized HER.

This show is unique in that there is a myspace type site where people can network and talk

about their theater experience and the show. Maisy had written a blog about coming down, and people who were in the show remembered her. It was so cool to see her interact with them. She had found her people.

After I met the kids in the cast I went over to our special stage door with Colin, to meet the aristic team of the show. Tom Kitt was the musical director who had also done Next to Normal which we saw in March when we were in the city. He said it's playing again in DC (which I did know) and if we happen to be able to get down there somehow, to let him know, and he would hook us up. He was so fabulous, as was Dan Elish who wrote book of the show. They were both awesome as were all the kids.

After all of that we were far from tired even though it was about 11:00 so we headed to the nearest Starbucks (which of course wasn't far) and debriefed and laughed and began planning the next trip. Shrek the Musical opens on December 16th! Might be a possibility. I really want to go around Christmas. As many times as I've been to the city, I don't remember going around Christmas and it's my goal. So we'll see.

Finally we decided we should start heading back since we still had the drive back to New Haven, so we went to get the car and headed home.

The next day of course came much too soon, we packed our stuff, got breakfast and coffee at Dunkin Donuts so we could make it through the day, and depart to the northernmost part of New England.

However-
we were on the Mass pike when Shannon said, "So...do you guys have plans for the rest of the day?"
We didn't, so she said, "I really don't want to go back to Maine yet."
Of couse we couldn't argue with that, so she went on "Who wants to go to Boston!?"

The vote was unanimous, and the diva road trip decided to conquer two cities in two days! After a quick makeover in the parking garage of Saks Fifth Avenue, we did some shopping on Newbury St, where I finally had my introduction to the LUSH store and we tried on accessories that were more than several months rent, but it was so much fun.

We had dinner at a fabulous upscale restaurant, window shopped a little more, then decided it was time for the three Dorothies to go back to Kansas.

Maisy slept the whole way home, and we all felt like it had just been a dream. But we knew it couldn't have been because Maisy had the t-shirt. It was another adventure that had been just what we all needed and refueled us, and put things in perspective to face the real world once again.

Who knows what will happen- but we also just sent in Maisy's resume (which is extensive even in comparison to the kids in the show) and head shot to the casting director of the show....so keep all your fingers crossed and send good vibes! You never know til you try right?

On that note-

FALL 2008- HERE I COME.
Change is in the air, I'm ready to move forward, so let's do it!

you know you love me.

xoxo

Click here for All the pictures

Now playing: Green Day - Time of Your Life

2008-09-27T21:21:00.000-04:00

WE LOVE YOU PLN

After I wrote my last entry, a good friend of mine (and faithful reader) said to me “You need to write more!” So I am proud to say it is not even a month later and here is another entry! Of course, I partly wish I could say, well nothing has really happened, so there is nothing to write about, but as we all know, my life never has a dull moment, and it has already felt like months

have passed! However, because of recent events, all my selfish rantings are going to be put aside for now, because my heart and mind is only focusing on one thing today.

I’m sure most of you know by now, because clearly the media is far ahead of me (when I began writing this, there was not much out there but now there is). A very important man passed away today. Some of you know him from movies, some of you know him from his amazing organic food line. I know him, because he created camp, and changed my life. Until my recent years, I didn’t know him as a “celebrity.” I knew him as Paul…the guy who made camp, and dressed up like a woman in the gala to

make people laugh…
Now- I am fully aware of everything he has done, and have met his truly wonderful family, and I am really feeling his loss.

I believe that he had done all that he could to make sure camp was in the right hands, and went when he truly believed it was time. Having listened to his daughter Lissy at the gala last month, we all knew deep down that it wouldn’t be long, but it wasn’t real until today. It was a grey, rainy day, and hard not to feel the sadness that I know is shared by all THITWGCers no matter where they are in the world. It is because of this one man that we were able to create such a strong, expansive family, and although he is gone, I know that will not change. I wish we could all be together today and celebrate his life.

As I ate dinner with my entire family this evening, and both of my grandparents, I couldn’t help but think about Lissy Newman’s children I sat behind at the gala, and how it wasn’t about losing a movie star, it was about real kids losing their grandfather.

Joanne- and the entire Newman family- You are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope that you find the love and support that I know, because of Paul, has been provided to so many others.

To my extended camp family- I love you all, and know we are all sharing similar feelings today. I know it’s not the same, but when you are feeling sad, and that nobody else “gets it.” Close your eyes and imagine we are all in the dining hall holding hands, and singing Can You Feel the Love Tonight, because I know for a fact that as spread out as we are, I definitely can and even though Mr. Newman may be gone physically, he will never leave camp, and that love will always be strong.

To everyone else, however you are affected by this- realize how lucky you are when you hug your grandparents, or give your husband a kiss or your father a hug tonight. Look at all that Mr. Newman has achieved in his time and realize that HE is a hero. He is what we should all aspire to be. Be genuine, be good, be selfless, but don’t forget to drink beer, make jokes and raise a little hell. He’d want us to.

And always remember- as I was reminded every summer at THITWGC:

**The time is short and there’s so much to do. Don’t waste a moment of what’s given to you. Don’t waste a moment cause you’ll never see it returned…**

Thank you.

The Facts.

Loved by all....

2008-09-10T22:49:00.000-04:00

Camp Fabulous! Gala 2008

It’s officially fall! The air is chilly, and I’m sitting here in my Yale hoodie (did I mention my best friend is going to Yale for grad school.. I’m a little proud…)

And I’m not at school. This is the second year this has occurred, but I’m still not used to it. I mean- when you go to school for fourteen years or something ridiculous- it’s a little hard to train your body and your biological clock to not automatically associate early sunsets and crisp nights with having classes and moving back into a dorm. But alas here I am- and once again I am so ok with it.

Not being in school that is, not necessarily being home…. In Maine (although everyone else thinks it's pretty cool...)

Let me back up a little bit. I am still coming down from a really surreal, emotional, intensely fabulous weekend. It involved another camp fundraiser that Maisy was in, but for the first time, I was not in the show. I spent the weekend trying to figure out what my role was, but in the end I did discover it and was completely thrilled. I had an alumni committee meeting the day of the gala, and it’s a small group of people made up of campers, counselors, and board members. It’s quite an honor considering how many people have graduated from there in 20 years! We discussed opportunities for alumni events, and went over the beginning seed of a social networking site (a la facebook) that will just be for camp alumni. There were some great things discussed, and it’s good to know I am not done with my camp involvement. …and I have a feeling I won’t be for some time.

I don’t know how to explain this without sounding arrogant, and I want to preface by saying that is not my intention at all- but I am kind of a big deal there. People from the board of directors were bringing me around to meet people to tell them about camp (specifically, former Dodgers pitcher Sandy Koufax…) and I would introduce myself to people saying, “I’m Mallory,” 80% of the time their response was “Oh, I know! I saw you in New York! (or… on the video… or the giant banner at the 20^th reunion)” It was kind of amazing. I mean… I chalk myself up to being pretty fabulous around here… but to see it was true there was kind of intense.

Not to mention the schmoozing and chilling I did with some fabulous theater folk. I have gotten pretty tight with the musical director of the show (what is it with me befriending musical directors? ) Mary-Mitchell Campbell since she did my first gala in 1998, and we’ve been working together for 10 years. She knows I’m pretty knowledgeable about the world of Broadway and is the one who hooked me with front row seats to Next to Normal, back in March. The director (James Naughton) and all the costume people and even the stage crew know who I am, so I basically had free run of the theater and spent the first afternoon watching the sound crew work to get things ready. It was a little weird to not have to be in rehearsal, so I had a lot of free time, and that night I found myself having pizza and wine in the dining hall with some lovely sound boys! I am not one to mingle with techies usually, but my perception has totally changed! One of them works on Hairspray and Jersey Boys on Broadway, and the other (who totally reminded me of Anthony Rapp) was leaving for Rome with Liza Minelli! ...and of course they were all from New York.

The next night was the an incredible, catered, surf and turf dinner where all the camp, board, and theater people came together for a night of celebrating everything that was going to occur the next day. It was my first time of what happens after the campers go to bed, and it was amazing. The dining hall was transformed into a candlelit dinner reminiscent of the Great Hall at Hogwarts. Mary Mitchell quickly found me and asked if I had met Tituss yet (Tituss Burgess- of Sebastian in the Little Mermaid, and Jersey Boys fame) I said I hadn’t and she quickly introduced us. He was absolutely lovely and joined us in the festivities til almost 2 a.m! Nothing like partying like a Broadway Rockstar…

I ended up chatting for quite some time with someone from the main camp office who works on the promotion of camp. I mentioned to him how in school I was a creative writing major and had written a piece about camp for my portfolio. In it I had said “Camp isn’t something that can be described with words.” And the critique I receive was, “But you’re a writer… you have to!” He replied that he totally understood what I meant, because that is his job is to portray camp so it will receive funding. Long story short, we really connected and he wants me to speak to the board at some point! It was the most amazing, thrilling networking I’ve ever done. And I realized one thing. I was passionate. I cared. I was honest. I was me 105%. That's the thing about camp...

The next day was the day of the show and GALA Day! I had my alumni meeting, and then we attended the auction which was completely overwhelmingly powerful! One of my old counselors, Bud was there, so I sat by him (Aka Calvin Trillin

Keith Richards auctioned off a guitar that went for $30,000 (which one of my friends and I had to help set up earlier in the day! Ahem…)

Sandy Kofax (who I had mingled with earlier and had NO IDEA ….I fail) auctioned off a signed bottle of champagne he won in the World Series. Alec Baldwin was there hanging out and bid $12,000 which he ended up giving to the guy who was bidding against him.

Among other things, we got the most choked up when a poster of Paul Newman in Exodus had speed fire bidding and went for $30,000. Remember- all of the money made goes to the camp, so kids with serious illnesses can attend for free. You really have to be there to understand the power of it all, but it was such an amazing experience, I was so thrilled to be a part of it.

When it was time for the show, we ended up being in the third show, between Sandy Kofax (who by now I knew pretty well!)…and Lissy Newman…and her kids. Making them the Newman grandchildren. The show was incredible. It was such a thrill to be on the other side of the stage and to see what happened in the audience. It was so incredible to be seeing my baby sister who has been doing camp fundraisers since she was four, up there on stage, now transformed into a chorus line showgirl sharing a stage with Bette Midler. Not to mention that when I was four, my mom and I used to dance in her bedroom to Bette Midler… now we were watching our baby up there singing with her! I kept elbowing my mom saying “did ya ever think!!?!!!”

At one point, Lissy got up and gave a speech on behalf of her family. She didn’t intend too, but she knew she had too. I cried harder than I had cried all day. Later that night I saw her in the dining hall and talked to her. I told her I was so happy she could be there, and it was so important that those blue eyes could have a presence there that night.

After the show, I bypassed the masses and just went back stage to see my baby sis. The only person guarding the door was Matt (my Anthony Rapp sound guy) and he said “uh, I dunno, you guys have pretty much been here for the run… go ahead!” I got to the green room right as Bette was finishing taking pics with the kids, and I swooped in to congratulate my sister on an amazing job. I was so proud of her. It has always been us, but this was ALL HER. And she rocked it

The next morning there was breakfast to be had with Jim Naughton and his family, and John Pizzarelli and his lovely daughter Maddie (who reminds me so much of Maisy!) He is married to Jessica Molaskey (Songs for a New World anyone?) and they are the most enjoyable, down to earth people ever! They were incredible performers too. I got to thank them for being a part of the gala, and it was so cool. I think that’s another thing about camp is how it is so humanizing and really lets you just get to know celebs like regular people….cause…well they are!

So… now I’m home.
and a little lost.
The more I travel and do fabulous things I realize THAT’S where I’m at home. I like being known, I like doing big things. It’s starting to really hit me that people say, when I tell them I’m from Maine “…you’re so much more than that!” I’m starting to believe it myself.

I know, I know everything will happen when it’s meant to, but I just felt something so powerful… I don’t think we have seen the last of each other! Even if I have to pay $1500 to go to another gala, I’ll do it. I need to be there. I need that sense of fulfillment that I don’t get anywhere else.
I guess bottom line, I just realized, once again what is really important, that I AM a big deal, and that I shouldn’t let silly Maine drama get me down. I have great things going for me. People know who I am, and some day, when I’m ready, all my ducks will fall in line and I WILL end up where I’m meant to be, doing what I’m meant to do.

Everything else… is only for now ;-)

xoxo

2008-07-31T01:51:00.000-04:00

California Dreamin'!

It's so weird, because I think doing my nails inspires me to write. I love the sound of nails on my keyboard. It's therapeutic, even when everything else is driving me nuts. I just did my nails hot pink (well, magenta) for the beach tomorrow for Maisy's birthday, and thus feel the need to write about everything that's gone on since last time! I can't believe she's going to be 15.... ugh. That scares me....

Anyway. California was amazing. As anticlimactic as Miami was, that was how awesome Cali was! We flew into San Diego, where Danielle met us to drive us back to L/A with her and Joe for two days. We did everything. We went to Pinkberry and had dinner on Sunset Blvd right next to Ketchup, (which was totally where Jason and Lauren ran into Heidi and Spencer...). Then we went and walked around Beverly Hills for awhile before going home. I won't describe every minute, but the next day was shopping, lunch in Malibu, and more sightseeing.
The last day with Danielle, we went to Manhattan Beach before driving back to San Diego and we had our final stop at Starbucks together, and I bought an adorable Roxy purse at Diane's surf shop where the lovely girls of Laguna shopped for Cabo....ahem.

Every minute was fun, and I was totally reminded of why she was (and that she really is) my best friend, which of course also made it a lot harder to leave her once again. It was awesome to reminisce and talk about how we had not imagined ourselves being able to hang out in LA back when we were in high school, but we had both known we wanted something more than rural Maine...which is why we were both out there and other people were home with babies in trailers....(not there is anything wrong with babies, if that's what you want to invest your prime years in, but it was the it happened for a lot of people...)

Leaving was hard. We had a last dinner together at a sushi restaurant in San Diego and I checked into my hotel (which was pretty gorgeous and had an amazing pool). It was definitely hard to switch into conference mode for the 8th annual Oley Conference after being in superstar/Hollywood mode and having to focus on my "medical issues" but balancing the two is what I'm known for I guess. Sometimes I have to remind myself of that.
It was really emotional to all of a sudden thrown into a world where TPN was everywhere, and all the people were hooked up. I guess I didn't really expect to be phased by it, but it was an overwhelming sense of "coming home," if you will- to see everyone else dealing with the same issues as me. For those reasons, the first day was kind of rough for my mom and I (and that fact that once again, my phone and computer were all screwing up at once so I couldn't even connect with the people from home)
I won't go into too much detail, cause a conference is a conference, but it was such a wonderful experience. I met some amazing people, specifically young men about my age, who, by the end of the week, we were finishing each other's sentences. All the twenty somethings got to go on a Trolley tour and see San Diego, which was so incredible (but a little too long was the general consensus) and Alicia, our moms and I went to Old Town one night for dinner in a pseudo Mexican town (where my mom had actually already been the last time she went, which was really kind of ironic). We definitely made the most of every moment we had.

The last day was the "picnic" which was actually by the pool at our hotel, so the scheduled activity was to hang out by the gorgeous pool all day. Absolutely perfect. mom and I grabbed some chairs fairly early and just talked to people all day. That was when some serious bonding took place. I also got the chance to really network with the lovely woman who does the Oley newsletter. We've talked a little since then and she wants me to write an article for the newsletter about transition for both parents and youth. Yay poolside networking!
I also really spoke up about my experiences, and told people about my work now, and they invited me to come back next year to help plan the "transition" session for the young adults, which I'm really excited about! My family is already just assuming we're going to go, and hopefully make a vacation out of it. There was definitely a void without the dad and sister there. It's also in St. Petersburg Florida which doesn't hurt.

Looking back, I realized I got so much more out of attending Oley than I thought I would. I had some preconceived notions from the last time I went and was ready to go to simply learn, and share the information I knew, but what I came away with was a realization of (once again) how lucky I really am, to have such a handle on my health and be able to live such a normal life, AND that there are other, REALLY COOL people doing the same thing, and we really are "all in this together." I made some amazing friends, got to see some old ones and had an awesome time, and I am definitely an Oley fan for life!

More to come, it has been such an eventful summer but I've been bad with updating. Stay tuned!

As always, for more pics:
Los Angeles!

More Cali with Danielle!

Oley in San Diego!

xoxo The Mal

2008-06-12T17:08:00.000-04:00

Behold, the power of a facial!

So, following up from my birthday post, my party was FABULOUS.
There are pictures: here
But it was absolutely perfect. The only thing I would've changed is that Colin would've been there, but he spoiled me crazy on my actual birthday, so it balanced out (we ate all day long- Espo's, Applebee's, and Starbucks of course, and he bought me Enchanted on DVD....which we saw together). This whole birthday was amazing!

Yesterday, mom and I drove down to Vermont for a conference I was presenting at today. As some of you know, I've been feeling sort of...in a rut, in regards to my work lately, so I was really not looking forward to coming. We had no air conditioner driving down, so it was a little annoying, but soon we got a rainstorm and began driving up the mountain and it cooled right down!
We found a random amazing restaurant on the way up since the restaurant in the hotel was closed for the season. Silly skiiers! We ended up having an amazing dinner, and I slept wonderfully. I always manage to sleep better in hotels bed, than my own (hmm...maybe I need a new bed.....)
Before we turned in however, Patti showed up to go over our presentations, and I mentioned how I had noticed that the presentation they had us down for on the agenda was not the 2nd powerpoint she had sent me. Then something incredible happened. We began a new Powerpoint, and she created 2 new blank slides and said "Here. These are yours."
I looked at the situation and figured I could do 2 things. I could just say "I can't think of anything...", or I could run with my two slides and begin proving what I AM capable of.
I chose the 2nd one. I made one slide a list of what I have learned in my life that I would like to relay to others, and the other one was a collage of pictures of things I've done to prove there are no limitations, and anything is possible if you're willing to find a way!
After hardly even looking forward to the conference, I went to bed feeling actually EXCITED for our presentation, which I had really not felt in a long time.

I woke up energized and excited to make the most of the day, no matter how it went.
The day began with our keynote speaker, Scott Chesney. He was absolutely wonderful, and everything echoed my life to a T. He overcame his challenges and did everything he wanted. He even had a job in PR in NYC. Hello. Did somebody call him and say "Hi Scott, Mal is going to this conference, and is really questioning everything in her life right now. Anyway you could give a speech and bring her spark back?" Because that is exactly what happened. He made me remember anything really is possible, and what kind of a person I really am. I don't settle, I don't get trapped. I make the most out of every moment and follow my heart. I always have and I'm not going to stop now.
I spoke with him after, and he even said he'd e-mail me and put my name in with his people in NY! Eeeeep! Overall, I was just transformed.

During the speech I also got a phone call that my beloved purple Fit I met when my mom was car shopping, can indeed be adapted!!!! There was an automatic blackberry pearl Honda Fit coming in this week, unclaimed. My dad put a deposit on it today, and let's just say NOW IT'S CLAIMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The universe is completely on my side this month.

With this news I was completely amped for our presentations, and they both went wonderfully. I didn't hold back. when I wanted to say something I did, and I was MYSELF. I was me again, and that was all it took. I wasn't afraid of not knowing the information absolutely perfectly, I just dove in head first and had fun, and the audience did too. It was excellent.
All in all, the entire day put me in such a good place I'm ready to take on the world!

Before we went to dinner, we had some time to kill, so I decided to investigate the spa. I wanted a mani or pedi, but they didn't have a nail tech. I felt so good about the day I decided to reward myself with a facial.
I t was worth every penny, and I can't even describe it. It was borderline spiritual.
I mean, how often do you just lay there quietly, thinking peacefully while taking care of yourself. I just kept thinking about all the good things in my life and how absolutely lucky I was. It was like a trance. I pretty much did not want to move after. It was so rejuvenating, and I felt like a totally movie star.
I'm hooked now. there will be another one before Cali (I get to go to California.... I got my dream car.... I get facials)
I think these conferences really wake me up to how lucky I am, and how much I take for granted. I'm going to work on that. and I'm going to write my book. Because I can.

I know it sounds cheesey, but I really got an awakening and am ready to tackle this summer for everything it's worth. I have too much going for me to complain. I need to just DO.

So.... here's to a new summer. A new car, and refound gratitude for everything I have!

Cheers.

(as always, you can read more about my travels here: http://divajetsetter.blogspot.com )

2008-04-09T16:50:00.001-04:00

Spring's Awakening!

I have so much amazing stuff going on right now, it's ridiculous. It's actually 53 degrees outside right now, and the snow is melting (I'm afraid to say it.....) I'm sitting here with my window open, in shorts (pj's....but still) and it's just divine. I
I've been so energized and pumped, and as for my social life picking up in April, that has definitely been rocking as well. I've had a dinner date like every night this week, last week Matt and I went out and played Wii (then I hurt for like 3 days...), and Jordan and I planned a wine and cheese party last weekend that was absolutely superb! Shan came down, and we got all pretty and went over early to help him set up and cook, then everyone else got there and we just drank wine and talked, and oh my goodness I have not laughed so hard in forever.
It was amazing. Robin was there, from high school, and we reminisced about everyone and high school, and it was such a mind trip.

I also randomly reconnected with Jake, who, for awhile, (I won't lie...) I had some mixed feelings about. I sort of still do, but we've both grown up a lot and I think we can really relate to each other right now, being young and successful and doing things bigger than Maine. I'm really trying to connect with people like that right now. I need to realize I'm an adult and take advantages of opportunities given to me, and connect ith people I know....

I'm going to be going to California in June for the Oley conference, which is just for people on TPN! I talked to work about it, and told them how bad I wanted to go, and how much I feel I could not only learn, but offer to others, since people on TPN seem to get sort of hung up on transition.... I'm kind of a big deal.... (lol, but it's true)
AND I told Danielle I was coming over and I think we're going to go down a few days early to spend time with her and Joey in L/A. Can we say excited? I wanted to go to Cali soooooo bad, now it's just happening. Wow. It'll be amazing.

Speaking of amazing, I also booked a room yesterday for my birthday party. I had a training in January at a place nearby and it was so beautiful I decided I need to have a party (and because my 21 and 16....were a little lackluster). I'm so excited!

anyway I need to run, I'm on a phone call for work and then Andrea and I are going to get some dinner, cause it's goooorgeous out!

xoxo

2008-03-26T17:51:00.000-04:00

Miami!

I got home from Miami around midnight on Sunday night. It was decent, albeit not what I had hoped it to be. Basically the best day was the first one when we ended up not having to go to any of the conference stuff.

Mom and I woke up had an incredible breakfast in our room (Miami officially has the best smoked Salmon....even better than NYC) then we got fabulous and took a cab to South Beach.

We rented chaises and spent a little over an hour on the beach. Good thing we didn't stay any longer cause I did start to get sunburned but it was beautiful, and there was a breeze that kept it from being too hot. The spring breakers were definitely fun to look at too ;-)
We walked the street a little bit and decided to have lunch at a Cuban restaurant, which was fun, and it was a good way to watch people walk by. We did a little bit of shopping, and caught a cab two stores before I saw a MAC store! AAAAGH!!!! (luckily I did find one later and finally scored some Fafi)

When we got back to the hotel, we decided not to waste a minute and moved the party down to the pool, which proved to be absolutely unreal. It was heated and beautiful, and we got drinks at the poolside bar, which were also incredible.

That was the only thing I really had my mind set on, was tropical drinks by the pool.... good thing we did it on Day 1!

While we were at the pool I randomly found a gold/diamond bracelet on the ground.... obviously I didn't think twice, and gave it in to the bartender (I don't wear gold.... and I have a conscience) so while we were enjoying our drinks, the owner of it came running down and when the bartender gave it to her, she told her i had found it, and the woman (who ended up being a member of our conference) thanked me profusely. I was half hoping she would give me a cash reward or something... but that didn't happen. It made me happy to be able to help her out though cause that would totally happen to me! After that, every time I saw her in the hotel she told anyone she was with "that's the girl that found my bracelet!!!!" It was cute.

(randomly- the view from our room)

Anyway.... we ended up meeting up with people from the conference and eating dinner in Bayside (Bubba Gump shrimp.... not my choice, but we had a nice waiter named Angel and the food was decent, so it was ok)

The next day was pretty uneventful, I couldn't really go outside due to my lovely sunburn I got in the hour and a half we were on the beach, but I had my presentation that day anyway so it didn't really matter. The presentation went really well, but I've learned that I get really drained after.
It takes a lot out of me emotionally to hear everyone's stories and realize how screwed up the system really is. It also makes me think a lot about my future... which makes me very tired...
Do I want to do this my whole life? Do I want to dig deeper to make a difference or do I want to just say "Screw it all, I made it out!" And work for a magazine somewhere..... Every time I go to a conference I go back and forth I just know I need to start the process of moving out. Every time I come back to Maine I realize how much I dislike it and I'm really starting to say "What is here for me?" I'm not in school anymore, a lot of my friends are gone. I just don't know. I need to start thinking about what I want for my life I think. It's scary. But what isn't scary is that I'm set for now... and nobody is pressuring me to do anything, I just need to start thinking seriously about it.

The next 2 days, the days we had set aside for actual vacationing, IT RAINED. POURED, MONSOONED, FLOODED. I was pissed.

Luckily, there was an amazing mall right by our crappy second hotel that we switched to when we were on our dime (another bummer... but that's a whole other entry....) and I bought adorable juicy sunglasses!!!! And finally made that Fafi haul.
We spent time with my aunt and uncle and baby cousin, and they took us around which was nice too. We had dinner on Lincoln Rd, and the day it poured we hit the mall and just drove around all day basically, then had an amazing home cooked meal, which actually hit the spot.

I was sort of bummed we didn't get to do more tourist stuff like oh you know THE BEACH AND SUN, but it was nice that we didn't have to sit in our hotel watching TV all day....
They invited us over for Easter too which was pretty nice. It would've been weird without being family on Easter. We went over first thing in the morning...we were itching to get out of our hotel as early as possible, and my aunt and uncle made us a fabulous brunch with mimosas. My aunt even made my mom and I Easter baskets (so I ended up getting two, because my Easter Bunny is a jetsetter and there was totally one in our hotel. He put it on my bed when I got up to go pee in the morning and my reaction in the dark was "OMG WHAT IS ON MY BED....ITS LIKE A SMALL ANIMAL OR SOMETHING" It wasn't. It was a gift card to the spa and Starbucks and peeps. Lovely.
After brunch we all took family pictures and just chilled watching the 10 Years younger marathon and judged ugly people. Then we had to go to the airport.

So our flight could not leave for two hours until after we boarded because obviously we brought more thunderstorms with us to the airport.
It was such a long day, at this point we both just wanted to be home (not in the "Be back to Maine" sense, but to be with our family, in our own beds) We were supposed to fly into Portland at about 10 which we thought was late anyway, but we ended up not getting in til about midnight due to all the delays. Stupid weather.

So yea. In conclusion, it was a good time but far from what we had hoped and I definitely want to plan a trip to go back down, without work obligation and hopefully with the entire family, it was a little weird not having Mais with us! I was sad.
She's coming with us to Wisconsin in a few weeks but that's.... not quite the same. I'm sure we'll make the most of it, but I seriously wish I had not been like Eeyore and had a giant rain cloud over me in Florida.... that was kind of the light at the end of a long tunnel of blah.

But oh well...so is life, and hopefully there will be more opportunities.
Now I need to start planing for Wisconsin and in the mean time try to reconnect with some of my friends I haven't seen since before my wisdom teeth surgery! Seriously!!

Also- I created another blog, of reviews of all my travel experiences, without all the narration, so if you want nitty gritty reviews go there. If you want my rambling... stay here. Or be cool and read both. Your call but here it is! http://divajetsetter.blogspot.com/

Next up: Eau Claire, WI with my mom and sister! Not Miami, but I'm pretty excited!
As for Maine.. spring is welcome to appear any day now. I'm over this snow in April crap. that is so last year!

xoxo-
Mal

2008-03-11T17:15:00.000-04:00

So I've gotten in a huge writing rut again, but what better fodder to get going again then an amazing NYC event? I think yes.

Let me rewind a bit and recap the pretty rough month of February. I basically didn't write because there just wasn't anything to say.
I got my wisdom teeth out on the 1st (after being on IV antibiotics and in the hospital for five days). It actually went really well, but the pain lasted for like 3 weeks and it was just really hard. I had been on such a high from how everything was going then I'm knocked on my ass again in surgery mode and am eight teeth less than I was before.
Then I was just beginning to feel better from that, and I got the evil flu that was going around. I was in all bed all weekend with fever and chills and just felt horrible. I ended up going to the dentist with a fever, to get my teeth cleaned because I had to get my braces put on the next day (the 26th)

2 days later I left for DC.
That was actually pretty cool. I did a presentation on Celebratory Learning, and we went out to some crazy nice restaurants. It was also nice to be down there where it was about 70 degrees when here it was icing, snowing and sleeting. Overall it was pretty sweet, other than the fact that my mouth hurt the entire time and I felt like a three year old learning how to eat....stupid braces. I'm getting better though. My self-confidence is finally getting back where it was (like I could lose it right? I was shocked myself)
We were a bit worried we weren't going to be able to fly home because of the ice storm expected up north, but luckily it was just rain by the time we got there, and we got home fine. Which was awesome, because we had exactly one day to do laundry, repack and drive to NYC!!!!!

We drove down a day early, because otherwise we would've gotten there after a 6 hour drive and had to rehearse, which wouldn't have been fair to the show people, or me and Maisy cause we would've been fried.
Since we were going in a night early, I decided it would be a sin not to see a show, so I scored some discount Tickets to RENT. Also, it's closing in June, and Maisy is at the perfect place emotionally to see it. I want her to be one of the few kids of her generation to say she saw it on Broadway and not just be like "OMGZ I'M SUCH A RENTHEAD CAUSE I SAW THE MOOOVIE." ew, no.

favorite waitresses and had some great food and drinks. We just kept ordering stuff cause they didn't want us to leave and we weren't really in a hurry to either. Finally we did leave, and took a cab in the pouring rain to the argument of who was going to cry. Maisy was positive she wouldn't and I won't give any spoilers, but towards the middle of the second act I could feel her convulsing next to me and we just held hands for most of he 2nd act. I shed a few tears too, as I had forgotten how much more impacting it is than the movie, you just don't get the same things on screen that you do on stage. I had never cried at it before. It was just incredible. It was still nasty out so we just took a cab back to the hotel to crash before long day #1 was to ensue.
The next morning we had breakfast down in the hotel restaurant and met the campers and counselors to take a shuttle to the City Center where we would basically spend the next three days. I got to see the amazing Mary Mitchell Campbell who was our musical director (and who has musically directed Company, Sweeney Todd, and is K. Cheno's personal piano player) she's my new BFF. Bla bla bla. We danced and sang for like 6-7 hours, and had costume fittings (love our costume ladies...one of them worked on 42nd st.) We were scheduled to have dinner at Mars 2112 (does that sound familiar anyone?) We had eaten there when we saw Wicked, and Ipersonally loathe it, but it was a little more fun with camp people (the service and food was still subpar however) Before we had left though, I had lunch with Mary-Mitchell and she was telling me about the new show she was MDing, off-broadway called Next to Normal. It starred Brian D'arcy James (who a certain other musicall director BFF is obsessed with) and was directed by the same guy who directed RENT. She said if we wanted to go she could get us tickets. Some camp people were like "omg you're going to be so tired you should just stay in" but I was like "hello, you don't turn down free hookups like that especially when they involve BDJ" So, we went to a crazy dinner at Mars 2112, where there was some mysterious liquid driping from the ceiling that burned a hole in a napkin, and when the staff was told about it they said "oh well, you're on Mars! Hope it doesn't get on your food!" Yea... us too!

We took a cab straight from Mars to 2nd Stage Theater (Mais and I were still wearing sweats from rehearsal, but I didn't really care).
so, I'm standing in line at the box office and Mary-Mitchell comes up out of the blue and is like, "Mal I want you to meet someone." It took me about 30 seconds for it to sink in but before it did she goes, "This is Anthony Rapp." Yes....yes it is. Then my heart stopped for a brief period. He was so adorable and looks about 10 years younger in person. He had to run and didn't want to cause a scene or anything so I didn't get a picture or anything, but I gave him a hug and probably said some stuff, I don't remember what. I was shaking through the entire first half of the show. I probably could have gone home right then and been perfectly content with life. I still can't really believe it.
(I've since learned, Anthony assistant directed the show that's why he was there...)

The show itself was absolutely incredible, there are some audio clips on youtube but they obviously don't do it justice.
Mais and I ended up in the first row, mom and Dad were in the fourth... not too bad ;-) The actors were all incredible and the music was so intense. The story can't even really be explained, but it was definitely something everyone in our family can relate to in their own way.
After the show we got to go up to the green room and meet the cast- Brian D'arcy James, Alice Ripley, Asa Somers, Jennifer Damiano, Adam Chanler-Berat, and the write (Brian Yorkey) and director (who freaking directed RENT!) Michael Grief. The guy who did the music wasn't there and Aaron Tveit, who played the son (and Link Larkin in Hairspray) peaced out (which is cool, cause Mais and I would've totally double teamed him) but it was absolutely incredible to hang out in the green room with everyone. They were all so down to earth and soooo sweet. BDJ is such a dad, I loved him. They all signed our programs and wanted to hear all about the show we were doing (Mary-Mitchell had told them about us!) Again, I think that entire night was pretty much the highlight of the entire trip.... I'm SO glad we didn't miss it.

Day 2 of rehearsing was really long and chaotic. My mouth hurt like the entire time and I just couldn't muster that much energy. Harry Belefonte ran his songs with us. He's 81 years old but still a spitfire, and he was pretty fun to work with.
Nathan Lane made me sad. I understand he was super exhausted and had just come from a matinee of November, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but he didn't speak to anyone, and basically just made fun of everything we did. Not cool in my opinion. If you don't want to be there.... don't go. Sadly, it IS about the kids....
So that was kind of a bummer end to the day. And we went to a pizza restaurant where I almost choked on cheese and just wanted to cry and go home because I was in so much pain. Not cool either.
I was originally going to hang out with the counselors when we got back from dinner, but there was a miscommunication and I realized how tired I really was and called my bff Colin to tell him about my last couple of days, because nobody else could quite understand the gravity of it. And I just needed to hear his voice after being kind of lost in the shuffle of the day. That was good enough for me.
We crashed at like 11, which was also good enough for me. The counselors can party all they want, but guess who doesn't have to dance for 7 hours the next day? yea. Exactly.

The next day was show day.
Mais and I had to be at the theater at 9:30.
We inhaled breakfast (I'm truly surprised I didn't turn into a latte or croissant) and got to the theater. It was monday morning and there was traffic and we were tired but it was fun. We got there, and went to the wings where we would be running stuff and getting Mic'ed. The incredible Noodle saw we were barely conscious already and ran over with a notepad to take orders for a Starbucks run. god bless that woman. Seriously. We both significantly perked up after some iced lattes, but it was still a ridiculously long day.
Lunch brought a bit more excitement.
I sat with Mary-Mitchell who brought the pit over (how do I always end up eating with the musicians?) But anyway, it was pretty hot. Some of them remembered me from when we saw Next to Normal. One of them was Jason Robert Brown's bass player (Last Five Years, Songs for a New World) another one plays for Grease on Broadway. They were wicked cool, and Mary, Maisy and I told them stories of past gala chaos. It was cool. We're such eiltists, but its all good.
After we ate, we're sitting there, just chilling, and who walks in, but Bernadette Peters. All the campers were oblivious, but I in a moment of doing a double take, wipe out my water bottle and go into seizure mode. Maisy and I were then joking about my lack of composure which somehow resulted in me pretending to heave my water bottle at the wall, except I actually did.
Oh good I'm so subtle.
Then I told one of the costume ladies of my ridiculous faux pas, and she was like "well, you're introducing her right?"
"Yea.... i'm doing voice overs for like everyone."
"oh...well you have to meet her then!"
So I basically just hoped I didn't have food in my braces and Mais and I got to meet Bernadette in all her glory. Seriously she is stunning. I have no idea how she is 60. She looks about 18. there has got to be something about the power of the stage because all of these people are like ageless!!!! She was super nice too, which is always good.

We had more rehearsals, and dinner, but I didn't really want to eat that much so it was fine when I got whisked away to do a sound check and read through my voiceovers.
We took some "quiet time" and did a cabin chat, and then it was time to get ready! Insert second wind here! We got changed, and were led to our dressing room, where we all had our own lighted mirror (which has NEVER happened before!)
Maisy and I ended up using the quick change room though mostly where we had our own dressers who provided us waters with our names on them like the stars had and we stayed in the wings with the celebs to watch the show on the monitor.

I prepped emotionally with my kick-some-ass playlist on my Ipod and ended with Defy Gravity, and I'm Not Afraid from Songs for a New World, and before we knew it, it was: SHOW TIME.
Backstage I hung out and did voice overs for every act. Maisy and I opened the show with a speech and Maisy got to introduce Carole King. She's wonderful and remembered us from 01. OMG that was so long ago.
It was amazing to see Joshua Bell too. He talked about the gala he did in 2002, before his performance and when he came backstage I gave him a hug and was like "that was amazing.... but it was 2001."
We talked a lot and he totally remembered seeing us in Portland two years ago.

It was awesome to see him and Jim Naughton again. (we have the same phone) Maisy saw Julia, but I didn't get to :(
One of our waitress faves from Ellen's was in it too! We thought it was her and she ended up remembering US! It was pretty cool.

The last thing, was when I got to introduce my infamous wallclimbing video (which was filmed literally 10 years ago, so you can imagine how gorgeous I was, haha) But I was standing in the wings trying not to cry and Bernadette is there in the wings with us, watching it and she kept looking at me and smiling. It was pretty intense.
(other than the little kid who kept going "OMG THEY SHOWED YOU. THEY SHOWED YOU AGAIN! THERE YOU ARE AGAIN!")

Then we had to run on all pumped up for a cover of YMCA that one of the campers wrote. And you know it was surprisingly easy. It was such a great time. There is nothing like stage energy. and throw in camp, and NYC and it's beyond describable.
We did the finale, and it was over before we knew it. The celebs walked through us to bow, and we reached out our hands to give them five. Josh walked by and grabbed mine for a ridiculous long time. God I love him. He walked out with me too (completely sidestepping the counselor who was "Accompanying me") and was like "I think I have to go to some after thing :( " I desperately wanted to go with him.
We never get any after event. We dont even get food past like 5:00. We're just the show ponies....
But some day I've decided I'm going to attend a gala, and get glammed up and drink champagne instead of wearing hats and doing hand gestures. But for now, I don't mind being in the spotlight :-)

We had a few minutes in the chorus room to say hi to the few people who graced us with their presence....before we were hustled back to the hotel to pass out from exhaustion.
When we got back to the hotel there were some goodbyes and it was kind of bittersweet.
There was one girl, Amy, who I had sort of connected with. She is 17 and barely a foot taller than me. she is super adorable and really stylish and as soon as I saw her Victoria's secret hoodie (I have the same one) and manicure, I had a feeling she was not one of the small children and I needed to befriend her.
As soon as she learned I was 22, I could see the relief in her face and from then on we were pretty close.
After the show, she took me aside in the hotel lobby and burst into tears as she said "I just want to tell you, you have inspired me so much and I am so glad to have met you [I have goosebumps just writing this]. Sometimes it can get really hard and I finally feel like I have someone I can relate to."
I couldn't believe she said all that. I told her we have to stay in touch and there is totally a train from Portland to Mass, and its not out of the question. Beyond meeting Anthony, that was probably the highlight of the show. That is what camp is all about.

Overall, it was just incredible, like it always is, but it was more intimate in a way. It was about seeing people you missed, reconnecting, and putting on a good show, and remembering the meaning of camp. And how important life is and how lucky we are. I can't completely explain it, but as if RENT is not emotional enough, throw in Next to Normal and a camp gig, and you have more emotion than most people deal with their entire life. But it's all good. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Ever.

For more pictures go here and here. There are too many to post all here, but they're pretty cool.
Next up is Miami!

Til then.
xoxo

2007-09-24T11:23:00.000-04:00

So, I went away this weekend for another meeting, which was pretty enjoyable, and I walked away with a good several things added to my to-do list, but I guess that's what happens when you're the one who gets the paycheck. No complaints, and we actually have some things lined up that should go well, and as usual it was great to see everyone, and we had some crazy times. haha.
It was at the Lucerne Inn, which is up in the mountains and is absolutely beautiful. The accomodations and food leave some to be desired, but I guess you just pay for the view.
But anyway- before we departed on that venture, my mom got an email from one of our theater friends who was moving. She needed to get rid of her beautfiul, well behaved beagle before they could move. My mom had been contemplating getting another dog, but she just said, "when it's the dog we're supposed to have, it'll be brought to us." so sure enough, this dog sounded just like what we should have. So my mom made the phone call (and called my dad of course...) and yesterday Lizzy the Lemon Pie beagle arrived at our house.

We all have to retrain ourselves to have a nice dog. I'm left alone with her during the day and this morning I even let her lay in bed with me and I didn't care, but we've sort of just been staring at each other, because she doesn't know who I am and i'm like "I pet you and you just sit there, without growling. Weird." But I'll admit it is pretty cool to have company during the day again, and you know... company I'm not terrified of and have to avoid...

Anyway- so that's another huge change in our family. There's definitely been a lot these past couple of months. But it's so good! I'm happy

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Now playing: 10 Years - Autumn Effect
via FoxyTunes

2007-09-20T14:27:00.000-04:00

NFI Grantee Meeting:

So I just got home from my first business meeting ever. It was a D70 Grantee meeting, which means it was all other states who receive the grant that we have and we discuss what we're doing with it and the varying progresses.
It was amazing. It was completely mentally exhausted, but equally exciting. My mom and I flew into DC Monday afternoon, and I was reminded of how I love flying so much! I think being above the clouds is one of the most amazing things ever, and it was such a literalization of how far I've come and how I really am "above" Farmington, and everything I've gotten through. I felt like I was in a movie.
The meeting wasn't until the next day, so we had some time to go shopping around the city and get dinner. We went into American Apparel, and there was a little Australian Shepherd puppy who wanders around the store wearing one of their T-shirts, and he was absolutely adorable.

Then since it was just the two of us, we had a sushi dinner and toasted to a new business venture. After dinner, we went back to the hotel, got changed and met Patti in the lobby for drinks with "the national folks." We had come home. All of these people had been in "the system" for years and we're finally at this point where we can get together at a national level and discuss the changes we've made. We shared stories and experiences of challenges and successes and my mom got to talk to so many different parents that had been in similar situations. As she said, "it was like drowning for so many years and then finally coming up for air."

The next morning was the actual meeting and we wanted to take our time getting ready, so we ordered breakfast in the room and I had a divine croissant and authentic cappuccino, which was he perfect start to the day. After going downstairs and finally figuring out where I needed to go, I got registered, with my official name tag and title which was pretty cool, and we had some time to meet other people and chat. then we went to our first breakout session which had various states talking about their parent to parent programs they have, and although they didn't mention youth until we asked them, it was a pretty good session.

It was weird to realize that I was the only "youth" there. Everyone talked about their Youth Advisory Committees (YAC) but I'm truly the only youth to be hired to do this full time and actually be the voice of all the youth that aren't in positions, or can't speak up. It's pretty intense. But I'm proud to be that voice. Everyone was so excited to have me there and told me all about their youth counsels and what they're doing or hope to achieve and how I can help. It was awesome to be so respected and treated as a professional equal.

After lunch we had our breakout session about our youth involvement, and I actually spoke to everyone about how I got involved and everything we've done as far as planning conferences and everything, and what our next steps were. We presented with Arizona (who's reps were so awesome and had cute bags! One of them looked like Britney Spears and had started a Coach girls club at our table), and North Carolina and everyone had really good programs going. It was a great presentation.

It was a ridiculously long day, but after all the focusing mom and I went out with Deb and Toni and one of their friends Beth, and we sat in the bar for awhile, where they were playing the entire Michael Buble CD so I pretty much died. I've decided I love him a lot.

Then we hit the town and had dinner at Macaroni Grill which was divine, since my ultimate love is pasta! And while we were waiting, Toni and I went across the street to Ulta, which is like a Sephora, but it has drugstore brands too. It was awesome. I'm so going back in October!

After the next sessions the next day- we took a cab to the airport, and we shopped, and I finally bought the Vera Bradley bag I had debated about all through college. I finally have a stable income and it was time to reward myself. It was just meant to be that I bought it in a DC airport instead of Farmington!

Now I'm home and exhausted and leaving again tomorrow for our Family/Youth Advisory Council meeting, but at least that's in Maine. But I'm busy...and Happy!

so is life! I'm a business woman now!!! what what!!!

xoxox.
you know you love me!

Malphie

2007-09-13T00:05:00.000-04:00

It’s starting to feel like fall. I guess that makes sense, since it’s almost the last week in August, and you know…this is the first time in years I actually don’t mind! I’m actually sort of looking forward to fall this year. Being home and warm, enjoying pumpkin spice lattes all week, instead of just on the weekends… all the little things that make fall good, without the stress and misery of going back to school.

My nails are French manicured, I have a pink sapphire on my finger, showtunes in my heart (not that that’s anything new) and slowly, I feel the remains of Farmington leaving me. Not the people, or the memories by any means, but I feel the new “grownup” Mal emerging. I’m content with my job, and my life and the fact that I have things to look forward to. Seeing Les Mis after fourteen years of knowing it and living with it, really solidified a happy release and sense of closure, and now it’s like I can just go forward. Or I’m just a nerd who finds too much symbolism in everything. Oh well, either way.

ANYWAY- the trip!

On the Way!
We left for the city on Sunday, August 12^th, in our van that did not have air conditioning. It broke a week before we were supposed to leave and we can’t invest that much to fix it when the car is ready to go anyway, but we were silly and took that car anyway so Mais and I could each have our own long seat instead of bringing my van with AC. We realized that mistake when we entered about Connecticut and it was 94 OUTSIDE. I thought I had heatstroke… but we’d just stop and rehydrate and when we got to the city it didn’t matter anyway. OH- and before we even left, we called the hotel to confirm our reservations, and they had them for the wrong day! So we wouldn’t have a room til Tuesday night…but we called my aunt and she told us to go ahead and leave, and by the time we were out of Maine she had called us back and said everything was all set and gave us someone to talk to. Phew. We were set!

When we got into the city, it was about a thousand degrees, but even with heatstroke I nearly jumped out of the car when we drove by the Neil Simon Theater and Hairspray was letting out and the cast was outside. Obviously we didn’t stop, but it was just the introduction to the excitement. Oh, and we drove by Gershwin and I’m pretty sure I saw Fiyero walking down the street with his boyfriend in tow (although I’m not sure who’s playing him right now, but he LOOKED like Norbert, so I would’ve casted him!)

Our room was small, but had two beds, and we really weren’t there all that much anyway. The beds were COMFY (not W Hotel comfy…but good nonetheless). After we got settled in (and showered and changed since we were sweaty and melted) we ventured into Times Square to find dinner. We ended up at a pan Asian place called Ruby Foo’s which was pretty yummy, and had a great atmosphere. We chatted with our waiter Doug and learned that he was only there for about a week more before he began the national tour of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels! Naturally we got his autograph, haha. We’re dorks. We were still totally wound up after dinner and we didn’t want to waste a minute so we walked around Times Square for awhile, just to see what we wanted to hit before we left! The crowd was soooo intense since all the shows were letting out and apparently Sundays are nuts, which is funny since in Maine it’s like “oh look, Sunday. The world is closed!” It was amazing.

Day 1
There was definitely no trouble sleeping. Maisy didn’t even end up sprawled across the bed, so I slept great, and we woke up bright and early at 8 the next morning! We asked our bellhop where he recommended for breakfast and we went to the Applejack café which was really good. We ate quickly, and then ventured to Madame Tussaud’s. I went when we saw RENT in 03, but obviously they get new stuff all the time, and Maisy had never been before! We all had a blast, and it definitely was updated a bit since the last time we went. On the first floor alone there were like four people we had met in real life! It was pretty sweet.

When we got to one of the last floors there was an American Idol exhibit where you could pretend to audition for the show, but it was really karaoke, my mom went to pose with the pretend Simon (cause she loves him…) and clearly Maisy and I found the book of songs and told the lady to sign us up for Out Tonight. Two little girls went and sang Bop to the Top from high school musical (Maisy enjoyed every minute of it!) terribly (well duh, cause they’re like five but it was cute-ish) then Mais and I got to go, and we had our “audition” photo taken, and then we sang, like we do and by then an audience had formed and we actually got a huge applause, and the lady running it said “Whoa, I think that is the first time people didn’t even glance at the words!” Naturally. Now we can add NYC to our karaoke repertoire! Bout time!

After that adventure, we moved next door to Ripley’s Believe it or Not Odditoreum. This definitely was not as fun, but it made you go “whoa…” and there was a lot to look at. I got to stand next to the world’s tallest man (was over 8 feet at age 15….and I thought I had it rough!) and it was a great opportunity to take some fun pictures!

By the time we were done there, the day was only half done and we got an amazing lunch at a deli that had absolutely delicious salads for really cheap. Good eyes Mal, good eyes!

After substantially refueling on wonderful salad goodness, we crossed the street to the Hello Kitty Store. Yes folks, a STORE. I am so going back there when I get an apartment! It was so much fun. You can do an entire baby’s room in Hello Kitty, and they had bikes and jewelry and you name it. I didn’t get anything, but it was definitely a fun store!

We headed down to fifth avenue where the real fun began. Granted, I didn’t shop that much, as I didn’t exactly feel like laying down $300 on a pair of sunglasses when it really came down to it. Plus, the ones I want are Coach and I need to give our wee Portland store my business, but it was awesome just seeing huge Prada and LV stores and Gucci ads the size of an entire building…Mmmm. And the place we did end up at was nothing to sneeze at.

Did you know the doors of Tiffany’s look like doors of a vault? The elevator is the same thing. Yes there’s an elevator…because the stuff I can afford is on the third floor, but if you really want a $35,000 diamond encrusted bumblebee engagement ring, first floor is where you should be! I however was not in the market for that (nor would I ever be if I even had 35k to spend…) so we went upstairs in the marble elevator, and on the third floor, Dad and Maisy hung out in the comfy couches in the “living room” of sorts, by the window and mom and I searched the counter. I knew I wanted sterling silver but there were a couple I was torn between a few. After a little while, and trying on a few rings (I’m actually a 5 ½ in Tiffany’s… who would’ve thought) but when the lady pulled it out… I knew. I had seen it online but it looked a tiny bit better on my finger!

It’s a pink sapphire! I’ve wanted one like since I knew they existed, and I’m absolutely enamored with it! The lady was absolutely superb and treated me wonderfully. She wrapped it all up (even though I wore it out I still got the box and the little bag) and wished me congratulations on graduating! Lovely.

By now Maisy was pretty much exhausted, so we began to head home, but FAO Schwartz was right nearby and she wanted to stop, so we did. You’re never really too old for that place! They had a huge section of one floor devoted to Harry Potter, with an entire line of Madame Alexander dolls of all the characters, and I had to force myself very firmly to not buy a stuffed Crookshanks kitty. I do have a weakness for orange kitties.

It was pretty much 1000 degrees after this, so we took a cab back to the hotel to get changed and freshened up for dinner (of course somehow we ended up sitting in Central park for an hour so Maisy and I could get our portraits drawn..it’s mom’s “treasure…” )

Dinner was at our favorite place in the whole city- Ellen’s Stardust Diner. The wait staff is all aspiring actors who are either between jobs, or waiting to get their “big break” and they sing while they wait. The food is amazing too. The entire time we were there it was like they had planned a customized playlist just for us. The first waitress, (Lea) sang Like a Prayer. We always would get to know the people and see what they had done/were doing, and it was really cool. The waitress we had that night was in training at the restaurant but had just finished touring with Chita Rivera in A Dancer’s Life, I was like “oh my god! I love her! We did a show together in 98!” That gets their attention. Once they realized we knew our stuff and were huge showtunes freaks (even though we’re from Maine) they basically performed FOR us. Our waiter, we found out had just done the national tour of RENT, so the trainee, April was like “he says he’ll do something from RENT for you.” Sweet! We figured he’d do Seasons of Love, or something that anybody would know, UM NO. He got another waiter (Scooooott), and they did What you Own. Of all the songs in the show. I died. He gave Maisy and me his Myspace (we’re Myspace friends with the entire wait staff) Later that night, we were looking at it on my Treo. Um yea…he was Mark. In the national tour of RENT. Sweet.

After that, we were obviously too wired to go to bed (like every night) so we adopted the routine of just walking around Times Square before bed. That night we ended up at the world’s biggest Toys R Us, and Maisy and I bought Aquadots, and played in Barbie’s house. It was so randomly fun!

Day 2

I actually slept really well every night. I think it helped to just go until we dropped because otherwise I would’ve gone crazy. We were up at about 8 every morning. The next morning, I had a lovely raspberry mocha courtesy of the dad once again then we headed out to breakfast. We didn’t feel like thinking of a new place to go, so we just went back to Ellen’s since we loved it and it was right around the corner from our hotel. Scott was still working, and he was our waiter again. Maisy was completely star struck from the night before, so he made a special point to serenade her and I don’t think I’ve ever seen her turn so red. It was perfect. And I had the best real and true cappuccino ever!

Then my favorite part of the day (and one of the highlights of the entire trip) occurred. We took a cab to Henri Bendel’s where the MAC studio. This store brought shivers to my spine and I think I had a storegasm…that Tiffany’s didn’t even cause. The entire first floor was different cosmetic brands, and there was a blue velvet staircase lined with Chanel sunglasses. It was like a Disney movie created just for me! I was completely in awe, and we didn’t have that much time, so I sighed and bypassed all of that, and went straight to the MAC studio since that was what was on the itinerary. Now this is the part that blew my mom away I guess, but it worked. A good friend of mine said “walk in like you own the place.” And so my motto has become “Walk in like you own the place and they’ll treat you like you do!” Before I even got to the MAC counter, I was just walking around and a guy from another counter said “How’s it going sweetie? OH MY GOD I love your eyeshadow!” Tres fabulous. It made me skip, and I just replied, “Thanks! Off to buy more!”

The MAC lady asked me if there was something I needed and I said “Yes! This lovely lady is starting high school next week and she needs a look that is basic and age appropriate but makes her look as gorgeous as she is!” And poof! A lovely makeup guy came and whisked a wide-eyed Maisy away and did exactly what we asked for! She loved it, I loved it, mom approved, and it was easy enough for her to do herself in the morning before school. Mission accomplished. Then of course it was my turn and I said “show me how to use my purples!” And he did, and I bought a few things, and we both looked stunning for our show that evening! In and out, easy as pie! Now mom is intrigued and I’m going to take her to the lovelies in Portland! Yay for being a MAC Family!

After being MAC’ed (that sounds like a bad thing…) we headed over to the Met for the afternoon. It was actually very interesting. There was an impressionist exhibit, so we saw Monets and Renoires and a Van Gogh (although nothing too good of his), and there was a greek art exhibit of all ancient artifacts which was really fun! It definitely a different experience and more culture than we’ll ever get in Portland. I’m really glad Maisy got to go (even though she was a bit cranky in the beginning). We also took pictures on the steps and basked in the sun for awhile a la Gossip Girl.

We had a few hours to kill before we needed to leave for the first show we were seeing (Chicago) so we ate an early dinner. We were going to just try a random sushi restaurant by the hotel but as we were Taking a cab home we realized we were going to go right by our favorite place by Lincoln Center where Maisy really wanted to eat so we just stopped there. It was just as amazing as we all remembered!

After eating, we grabbed a cab back to the hotel, and I almost died, but mom saved me. I grabbed the handle of the cab to get in (cause it was like a mini van kind) and the handle came clean off and I would’ve skull splatted on the pavement if mom hadn’t been behind me. That would’ve ruined the entire week.

BUT I didn’t die, and we made it back to the hotel. Maisy, mom and I went to a store nearby that had adorable clothes and accessories for way too good prices, and I got four pairs of earrings for $15! They were buy 3 get 1 free and they were all $5, and Maisy got a whole new wardrobe for school.

Back at the hotel, we got glammed up, and headed over to the theater where Chicago was. Ironically it was across from Spring Awakening and we all got a little emo, but we got over it. We took proper care as tourists and posed by the posters before we went inside. The theater was cute and small, and did you know theaters have bars? They do. And you can pre-order a drink for intermission. Lovely, although I didn’t. I wanted all my theater experiences to be entirely pure and remembered. They also have “booster seats” now, which are velour cushions that match the seat so it is entirely classy and conspicuous. I proudly took full advantage. I’m not going to pay for Broadway tickets and then not see to the best of my ability when there’s a way that I can, that’s silly!

As soon as the overture started I remembered, “oh my god I love theater!” I just got ridiculously excited. The show was good. It was very funny, and the cast was super talented. Billy Flynn was not James Naughton, and Velma Kelly was not Chita Rivera, but just the same it was a really fun show. It was really cool though, because I had done the ’98 gala with Chita and Jim, and realized after seeing the real show they had USED some of the real choreography in our All That Jazz number! Eek! If I knew then what I know now! Haha!

After the show, we went to ELLEN’S! I had an amazing white chocolate martini, and they didn’t even question my ID (yay MAC makeover!) Again the wait staff was amazing, and one of the waiters asked “who just saw Chicago?” So of course we squealed and he proceeded to sing Mr. Cellophane! Again, we got to know our waitress (Amanda!) and she said she’d do something Broadway for us. She got up and said “Does anyone like Wicked” We sat in silence.

KIDDING! Just keeping you on your toes!

We shrieked and jumped in our seats, and she and another waitress (Jen) did a killer rendition (and I don’t say that about just anyone, you all know that) of Defy Gravity, and I almost go teary, but they made it funny (Jen! Come with me!, “I can’t! I have to bring these people their milkshakes!”) and she even got a broom at one point. It was just perfect. Then Amanda did The Wizard & I by herself, just for us!

This was the first night we just went home after since it was already like midnight, and the next day was our big Les Miz day! We woke up a little later and took our time getting ready for brunch at Tavern on the Green. We all looked quite fabulous, and we took a cab over to Central Park. They didn’t open til 11:30, which is when our reservations were for, so we took awhile just hanging out taking pictures, and Maisy was into the carriage horses. She had been in quite the mood until we got there and she saw horses, then her mood was transformed. Soon it was time to go in, and we walked through the inside, underneath the amazing chandelier and were brought out the garden where we were going to eat because it was another perfect day! The food was absolutely wonderful. Even the bottled Fiji water (yes, they served us Fiji water. Amazing) and selection of bread and rolls we had was delectable! It was so much fun, and we felt completely at home (much of how we felt all week). After the best meal of smoked salmon I’ve had in my entire life, and a dessert of crème brulee maisy and I didn’t even have time to take a picture of before we devoured it, we caught a cab back to the theater for Les Mis.

We got there fair enough in advance, but still had to wait in line. We bought a program to flip through and were bursting with so much excitement it didn’t even feel like we had to wait. When we got inside, we were escorted to our seat, in THE 2^ND ROW. I literally could’ve reached out and poked the conductor of the pit. It was so surreal. For the beginning of the first act the people in the first row weren’t even there, so it was literally me, then the stage. We made eye contact with the actors.
as soon as the show began, I knew it was going to be intense, not just because we were there and it was live, but I had been dreaming, and waiting to see this show for about fourteen years. I remember the week it closed on Broadway. I was trying to figure out a way to get there and see it, and be back before my senior prom, so every note and song was laced with so many memories, and represented a chapter of my life. I almost began crying at the second scene, but held it back. The second act began with On my Own and that was pretty much all she wrote. By the end I was just sobbing. I always end up next to my dad when this happens, and he’s just so great. He tried to make contact with me, and I just smiled through my tears and wouldn’t look at him, I didn’t want to miss a second, then he patted my leg, like he does. He was just as into the show as we were, and talked about it for days after. During curtain call, I literally was able to walk up to the stage, and as I sniffled, and nodded with approval, the little boy who played Gavroche just looked at my tear streaked face and smiled. I just felt this immense sense of closure and appreciation for all that had happened and the fact that- here I was, seeing a show I grew to love when I was eight, and finally, after graduating college it had happened, the battle had been won and I could move on. It was time for a new chapter, and another show. My whole family was there, together, sharing this moment of accomplishment, love and intensity. It was just so perfect. It sounds silly, I guess I can’t really explain, but it had powers beyond the stage…or as much power as any stage can.

After we bought Tshirts we left the theater and began to try to hail a cab, but there weren’t many around. Maisy pointed down the street to the exit of the theater and said “What are they all doing?” To the crowd of people huddled by the theater.

I told her, “They’re waiting for the cast to come out.” She just looked at me and I said, “We don’t have anywhere to be, LET’S GO!” so we went to join the group and after my mom’s initial “omg be careful speech,” I said, “thank you, but seriously, I’m 22 years old.” My sister hung around waiting for something to happen and I said, “oh no Babe, you gotta shoooove your way up there!” And we did!
We ended up right on the gate where the actors were coming out, and we got to chat with most of them. Maisy even caught Lea Solonga, and we have her autograph on one of our programs (who- I recently discovered is the singing of Mulan and Princess Jasmine. Whoa!) We met Marius, Gavroche, the Inn Keeper and his wife (the inn keeper was Roger DeBris in the Producers Movie, and his wife was Ann Harada, Christmas Eve from Ave Q!!!!) As the crowd started to disperse since all the actors had mostly come out, we left the gate and went to see mom who had just sort of wandered off to do her own thing. As I was walking up to her, she approached me and said “Hey, Valjean and I were just talking and he wants to meet you.”

Wait… he wants to meet me. My mom had totally waited at the end of the crowd til everyone had done the meet and greet thing and was just hanging out with Valjean on the sidewalk and apparently she had told him about me. He was super nice, and we talked for a bit and compared tattoos. He has one on his arm and wanted a wrist one but was afraid it would hurt. I told him to suck it up it didn’t hurt and was totally worth it. Now we’re MySpace friends.

After awhile, everyone went on their way and we caught a cab (well, I caught our cab) back to the hotel. The entire thing was so exciting and surreal; it was weird to see it end. Fourteen years and poof, it was done.

We got back to the hotel and freshened up for dinner with the family from CT. They had trained in for the evening and we had a huge dinner all together at the hotel restaurant. It was good to catch up with everyone and tell them about our week. The food wasn’t the best we had, but the bread and company was good!

After dinner, we didn’t want to waste our last night going to bed early so we hit up times square again and randomly went to the M&M Store which was like three stories tall, then my one request was to go to the Virgin Megastore! So we finally did that! Three floors of music and media = Whoa…There was even a Michael Jackson dancer/impersonator who was really really good! We took great advantage of the $10 CD sale (spring awakening, jersey boys, Hairspray oh my!) then we headed back to one last night in our Times Square beds!

The final morning consisted of a final breakfast at Ellen’s where the waitstaff praised us for our patronage and bid us farewell musically, and we packed up the car and drove home. The four days felt like minutes, but not a single one was wasted, and none will be forgotten. We’re already planning our next trip (although…because of my job our next vaca may be in Miami!!!) …The Little Mermaid hits Broadway in November! ;-)

All the pics...just in case you haven't seen them!, part deux, part tres, foooour., The end?

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Now playing: Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On
via FoxyTunes